Narcissistic mothers are renowned for being overly controlling, jealous (particularly of their daughters) and self-absorbed with an inability to regulate their emotions healthily.
The outcome of being raised in a household with a narcissistic mother is someone with low self-worth, trust issues, codependency, anxiety and depression among many other symptoms. Unfortunately, the long-lasting effects will follow you into adulthood unless recognised and healed.
Growing up in a narcissistic environment myself, I know how normalised dysfunctional and toxic behaviour can be. If often takes a lot of outside information, paired with examples from your own life to really figure it all out.
If you’re asking yourself, “Is my mother a narcissist?” take the quiz to find out. From there, you can begin to set boundaries for yourself and heal from the abuse.
| DISCLAIMER: This ‘Is My Mother a Narcissist?’ quiz is to be used for personal awareness and educational purposes only. It is not a not a diagnosis. Please seek a professional therapist who has experience dealing with narcissism for further help and information. |
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‘Is My Mother a Narcissist?’ Quiz
| Instructions |
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| 1. Fill out the quiz 2. Press ‘NEXT’ 3. Scroll back up the page to the blue submit button 4. Press ‘SUBMIT’ 5. Your score will be calculated |
What Does Your Score Mean?
- 0 – 50 = It’s UNLIKELY that your mother is a narcissist
- 51 – 69 = It’s POSSIBLE that your mother is a narcissist
- 70 – 100 = It’s LIKELY that your mother is a narcissist
▶️ VIDEO: Is My Mother a Narcissist? – Quiz
Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother
If you’re pretty certain that your mother is a narcissist, it’s important to have some strategies in place so that you don’t spend the rest of your life feeling railroaded by her.
First up is understanding that she will not change. A person with narcissistic traits can become self-aware and work to be a better person through therapy.
However, those with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) have a mental illness for life. This means you can’t appeal to her conscience and hope that she’ll suddenly become empathetic and see things from your perspective.
The very nature of narcissism is an exaggerated sense of self-importance, entitlement and superiority. In other words, the only person in her life that is of any real importance is herself.
Narcissism = “Me, myself and I”
Given that her self-absorption will never shift, here are some tips for making sure you stand in your power and don’t get squashed under her excessive need to be the only important one in the world.
Set Boundaries
When you were growing up with a narcissistic mother, you were not allowed to have boundaries. To have boundaries would have been you saying, “No” to her and she simply could not have that.
But, now you’re a fully grown adult who is no longer ruled by her. Not only are you now allowed to have boundaries, but you must, in order to protect yourself and live a healthy life.
Work out what your mother’s deal-breaker behaviour is for you and come up with your canned responses to exit the conversation when that happens.
Deal-breaker Examples:
- Aggressiveness
- Belittling, shaming and put-downs
- Being controlled and told what to do
- Being overly involved or opinionated about your life and choices
Understand that this isn’t to try and change your narcissistic mother, but it’s to show that you will no longer tolerate those things and that there are consequences if she continues to push through.
Detach
Now this one is going to take some practice!
Your narcissistic mother has spent your whole life programming you to believe that everything must revolve around her. And the moment you stopped making her the centre of all things, you were punished, guilted and shamed back into coercion.
“How dare you not put me first! Don’t you know who I am?!”
The truth is, she’s a fully-grown woman who is 100% responsible for her own life, emotions and reactions. Your narcissistic mother’s emotional state is not your responsibility.
This doesn’t mean that by you detaching she’s going to suddenly become responsible for herself. No, she’ll do everything she can to pull you back into her fantasy reality whereby she is the only important one. She’ll probably badmouth you to other people and play the victim at your cruel hands.
“How could you do that to your own mother, after everything she’s done for you!”
Detaching doesn’t mean that you need to be cruel or slip down to her level of manipulation. It means standing with your head held high and showing compassion without stepping in to solve her problems or pander to her victimhood. And then you continue with your own life, fulfilling your own needs, wants and desires without being controlled by your narcissistic mother.
Heal Yourself
Finally, it’s time to treat yourself with the self-care and healing you deserve. There will be a lot of wounding that has been created or enhanced by your narcissistic mother.
Seek a therapist who’s experienced with NPD or take the spiritual journey of releasing the wounds from your energetic body.
Focus on building your self-worth and strength on the soul level so that you never have to fall prey to narcissistic energy again. From there, detaching from your mother’s inability to take responsibility for herself will become easier.
I hope this ‘Is My Mother a Narcissist?’ quiz has been a helpful tool for reclaiming your sovereignty and moving forward into a healthy life that is focused on you, not your narcissistic mother.
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