If you’re asking yourself the question, “Am I being gaslighted?” there’s a reasonable chance that you are.
Gaslighting is an extremely manipulative and abusive technique often frequented by narcissists and sociopaths.
The purpose of gaslighting is to gain control over the victim by slowly and subtly eroding their sense of reality, causing them to doubt themselves and their sense of worth.
Due to the very nature of manipulation, gaslighting is often hard to detect when you’re in it. However, it can be easier to spot once you’re out of it (or for others who are looking in from the outside).
It’s important to talk to trusted people around you who are outside of the relationship and can give their honest take on things. This helps to give you a healthier and clearer perspective and also helps you hold onto your own truth and reality, rather than the manipulated version of the possible gaslighter.
If you find yourself feeling extremely confused when dealing with the things someone else says or does, there’s a high chance you’re being manipulated.
Take the ‘Am I Being Gaslighted?’ quiz to see if you may be dealing with a manipulative gaslighter.
| DISCLAIMER: This ‘Am I Being Gaslighted?’ quiz is to be used for personal awareness and educational purposes only. It is not a not a diagnosis. Please seek a professional therapist who has experience dealing with narcissism for further help and information. |
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‘Am I Being Gaslighted?’ Quiz
| Instructions |
|---|
| 1. Fill out the quiz 2. Press ‘NEXT’ 3. Scroll back up the page to the blue submit button 4. Press ‘SUBMIT’ 5. Your score will be calculated |
What Does Your Score Mean?
- 0 – 50 = It’s UNLIKELY that you are being gaslighted
- 51 – 69 = It’s POSSIBLE that you are being gaslighted
- 70 – 100 = It’s LIKELY that you are being gaslighted
▶️ VIDEO: Am I Being Gaslighted? – Quiz
More on Gaslighting
Common Gaslighting Techniques
Countering
This is where the other person firmly opposes details of things that have happened, which will leave you questioning your own memory and reality.
Denying
The other person will deny entire conversations, words, events and details. They’ll outright tell you that you just make things up, which makes you feel incredibly diminished and confused.
Withholding
This is where the other person refuses to enter a conversation with you and withholds love, affection and attention as forms of punishment. Silent treatment is a common withholding tactic.
Invalidating
A gaslighter will totally disregard and downplay your feelings or concerns, even though they are all completely valid. They do this to reinforce that your needs are irrelevant, which works to erode your self-worth.
Diverting
Diverting is a tactic where the gaslighter will change the subject and flip the script back onto you or someone else to avoid accountability.
| READ: 9 Blame-shifting Techniques → |
Generalising
Gaslighters will commonly use stereotypes and blanket statements to invalidate. For example, they say (or yell), “All you men are the same!” This serves to further devalue you as an individual because now you’re like all the rest of them, which will also make you feel the need to defend yourself against something you’ve never even done.
Why do people gaslight?
Gaslighting is one of the most favoured tools for mental and emotional manipulation used by narcissists and sociopaths.
The aim of gaslighting is to exhaust the victim and keep them in a place of confusion while losing the ability to trust themselves. This makes the victim much more pliable to the gaslighter, makes them more dependent on them and, hence easier to control.
If you find yourself helplessly trying to defend yourself against accusations for things you either don’t remember or know you haven’t said or done, there’s a high chance you’re being gaslighted.
Defending yourself against the gaslighter will always lead to further gaslighting.
Reasons manipulators gaslight:
- So they can control the victim’s thoughts and actions
- So they can control the storyline to suit their agenda
- To get the victim dependent on them
- To erode the victim’s self-worth and sense of reality so that they don’t leave them
What to do if you think you’re being gaslighted
The best way to stop yourself from falling prey to the person who’s gaslighting you is to remove yourself from the situation. However, I know that is usually way easier said than done.
Find Support
Firstly, I recommend talking to one (or a few) trusted people who you know are on your side. Talk to them about what has been going on, openly and honestly.
It’s common for abuse victims (and yes, gaslighting is abuse) to feel such shame about how they’ve been treated that it’s difficult to be honest with others about what’s been really happening behind closed doors. It’s imperative to your survival and healing to let these supportive people in so that they can help you.
Through the gaslighting process, your sense of reality and truth has been intentionally eroded. It’s important to gain some clarity by talking to someone outside of the situation who can help you see clearly.
Get Out
You cannot heal from the effects of the gaslighting when you’re still in the same environment and continuing to be gaslighted.
By this point, the manipulator knows exactly what your deepest wounds are and they know how to work you for their own agenda. The most important thing at this point is to come up with a plan to get out (unless that’s completely impossible).
If the gaslighter is your partner, stash some cash so you can start up a new life for yourself, line up somewhere to move to and put all the things in place that need to happen so you can move out.
| READ: 9 Tips for Leaving a Narcissist → |
If the gaslighter is a friend, the best thing to do is remove them from your life so that they no long have access to you.
If the gaslighter is a work colleague or family member, it’s time to work on healing and strengthening yourself so that you can see through their tactics and no longer play their game.
The very nature of gaslighting means that your support crew, survival skills and sense of self have been heartbreakingly eradicated. I know it all too well after trying multiple times to leave a covert narcissist for 20 years.
Although getting out may be a longer journey than you’d hoped for, do not give up. Do what you need to do to make it happen because it’s now time to choose yourself and your freedom.
Focus on Your Healing
Once you’re able to get yourself beyond the grip of the manipulative gaslighter, it’s time to start healing.
You see, manipulators can only do their work when they can find and expose your deepest wounds. Those are the very triggers and insecurities that are their fodder.
The path to healing yourself and never falling prey to another gaslighter again is to stop focusing on them and bring it back to yourself. It’s imperative now that you work on healing your inner wounds and build your self-worth back up.
This is where the work of a therapist or healer who’s well-versed in manipulation and gaslighting will be an essential piece of the puzzle.
For me, the fastest and most effective way to heal many of my wounds and rise above the trauma and Complex PTSD was with the help of a spiritual healer. I found that removing the trauma from my energetic body was the only way to truly release it for good. If that resonates with you, there’s more info below.
| READ: Self-care After Abuse → |
I hope this ‘Am I Being Gaslighted?’ quiz has helped to give you some insight into your relationship so that you can find the steps to move forward into a healthier life.
Posts About Gaslighting
- Narcissist Gaslighting Checklist
- 103 Narcissist Gaslighting Phrases
- QUIZ: Am I Being Gaslighted?
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