Narcissists are shifty creatures. They walk through life, dressed up as regular human beings just like the rest of us, but deep inside, their self-absorption is all-consuming and even predatory.
The strangest thing is, once you’ve had the displeasure of experiencing multiple narcissists, you come out the other side realising that they’re all actually pretty cookie-cutter.
The weird things narcissists say are extremely unoriginal across the board. It’s almost like they’re reading from a script!
So, let’s have a look at weird things narcissists say and explore what they really mean underneath those words.
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Weird Things Narcissists Say
Things Narcissists Say in a Relationship
There are many weird things narcissists say in a relationship, that would just not fly in a normal, healthy relationship. If something sounds too romantic or hurtful to be true, chances are that it is.
Weird things narcissists say in a relationship…
“It’s just because I care about you so much.”
|→ This is where the narcissist is reinforcing your internal desire to have them genuinely care about you. The thing is, their actions rarely demonstrate true care and kindness, so they need to occasionally say the words, just to breadcrumb you into thinking that it’s true. |
This is part of the trauma bonding process where they withhold, then give just enough to keep you on the hook and hopelessly addicted to getting another scrap. It’s an inversion of truth, designed to confuse you and is usually delivered right when they’re treating you horribly.
The confusion of their words being a contradiction to their actions creates cognitive dissonance (where the mind can’t take on the two opposites, so it chooses the one that it wants to see as real).
|→ Let me tell you, there’s nothing ‘soul matey’ about a narcissistic relationship. It’s purely karmic, filled with abuse and lessons, which only you have the ability to see and ascend beyond when the time is right. |
Narc’s will use the soul mate card to create exclusivity and make you feel like there is no one else. This effectively gets you to sign yourself over to them so that they can drain your life force energy into their empty black void as much as their conscienceless selves desire.
“You’re so controlling and I know I’m not the only one who thinks that.”
|→ This whole statement is wrapped up in projection and triangulation. They’re blaming you for the very thing that they’re doing, then bringing in back-up by saying that others agree with them. Quite often, these ‘outside opinions’ are completely fabricated, just to further devalue you and isolate you.|
“You don’t own me. I don’t have to do what you say, whenever you say it.”
|→ Narcissists absolutely hate authority or being made to do anything. Along with that, they are only ever in it for themselves. They don’t care about working as a team or reciprocating anything you do for them (unless they can get something out of it).|
They might agree to something one minute, without actually having any intention of going through with it (future faking). Then when you ask them why they didn’t follow through, they’ll throw at you, “stop trying to control me!” It’s your problem for making assumptions.
“Everyone says how perfect we are together.”
|→ Everything comes down to appearances for a narcissist. If they look good, it means they gain the admiration and attention they need to feed their ego. You are a prop to them. An accessory to validate their agenda or a tool to gain resources and energy. |
Narcissists love the idea that people envy their relationship (even though you know it’s sub-par behind closed doors). Due to the underhanded gaslighting and manipulations coming from the narcissist, hearing that others view your relationship as good, further strengthens your trauma bond with the narc, making you feel even closer and more connected to them.
“That’s because of your trauma, not me.”
|→ Narcissists will know all about your childhood wounding and family issues. That was a part of what they were studying during the love bombing phase. So, whenever you approach them about how you’re feeling or how their behaviour is affecting you, they’ll blame-shift using your trauma. |
Being the empathetic, wounded soul that you are, you’ll go off and try to fix yourself, bearing the weight of all the relationship issues. Meanwhile, the narcissist kicks back and changes nothing about themselves, effectively shifting their own baggage onto you to carry and deal with.
Things Narcissists Say in an Argument
Narcissists have no conscience, which means no empathy, compassion, care, love or kindness for any other human being. You will see this part of their disorder in full swing when you’re caught up in a narcissistic argument, even if you don’t have all of the words to aptly describe it.
Weird things narcissists say in an argument…
“After everything I’ve done for you!”
|→ Everything to a narcissist is transactional. Nothing they do is for free, therefore, every little thing that they do is because they expect it to be returned to them tenfold. It doesn’t matter how terribly they treat you, they will use that one time they did something nice, in order to make you feel awful for ever voicing your hurts or concerns.|
“You’d be nothing without me!”
|→ The truth is, the narcissist actually needs you more than you need them. They need you for your energy and resources, so that they can feed their False Self and alleviate the pain of their internal empty void. |
But, they absolutely cannot have you find out this truth, otherwise you’d never stick around. So, instead they chip away at your self-worth and make you believe that you need them in order to succeed and survive. Classic inversion of truth.
“You’re so ungrateful!”
|→ The narcissist feels fully entitled to treat you however they feel like, then if you ever turn around and complain about anything, they’ll accuse you of being ungrateful. In their mind, you should be so lucky they’re even there at all.|
“You always have to make everything about yourself!”
|→ Having a narcissist blame you for being self-centred is one of the most frustrating things to have to endure. They usually whip this one out in the very rare moments that you’re asking for your needs to be considered. |
You inherently know that being accused by this person of selfishness is crazy. All you ever do is walk on eggshells around them and tend to their needs. How could they possibly accuse you of only ever thinking about yourself?
“Just let it go already.”
|→ The narcissist wants you to stop talking about this topic because it zones in on what they’re actually doing in the way of manipulation and abuse. If you don’t, they will further gaslight you to completely minimise your experience, just to reiterate that this topic is not open for discussion.|
“Stop yelling at me!”
|→ Usually when a narcissist tells you to stop yelling, it’s because they are actually yelling at you and want to really wind you up. The whole point is to make you feel like you’re going crazy and bait you until you snap. Then the narcissist will switch to cool, calm and collected, making you out to be an unhinged, nut job. |
When you’re in this space, they have complete control over your emotions, which makes it easier to gaslight your reality and get you to bend to their will, usually out of sheer exhaustion.
“You made me do it!”
|→ If there’s one famous narcissistic line, this is the one. Narcs are renowned for blaming their victims for the very abuse they issue out. It’s the ultimate wiping of the hands and refusal to take responsibility.|
“You always have to be right, don’t you?”
|→ The narcissist can see that you’re on to them, so they need to totally invalidate you and squash your confidence in yourself in order to stop you from going further down that path. This tactic is to make you feel like you need to defend yourself. Then, once you’re down their ‘word salad’ rabbit hole, they can gaslight you and create self-doubt, just to throw you off the scent.|
“Why do you always have to argue about everything?”
|→ Any time you make the narcissist feel uncomfortable or call them out on something, they like to accuse you of ‘creating an argument.’ This diverts away from their abusive behaviour and sheds you in the light of being the creator of all problems. |
Before you know it, you’re trying to defend yourself and claim that you are a good, moral person, who would never do the things that they’re accusing you of. Now, you’ve completely forgotten about the initial conversation (which the narc termed an argument) and they’ve managed to evade accountability.
Things Narcissists Say to Keep You Around or Get You Back
Expect absolutely anything and everything when it comes to the weird things narcissists will say to keep you around. But don’t be fooled, it’s not because they miss you or love you. To them, you are an item in which they own, plus they want to save face and not be seen as being dumped (rejected).
They’ve already put in all of the hard yards with love bombing you and figuring out your triggers, so that they can manipulate you. If they think there’s still narcissistic supply left in you for the taking, they don’t want anyone else to get their hands on that.
Another reason for wanting to keep you around is for control, which makes them feel incredibly powerful and significant. If they can get you back, they’ll think that they’ve won. They may promise to change, but once they’ve hooked you in, they’ll abuse and punish you even harder for betraying them and trying to escape.
Then they might very well discard you for someone younger, richer or more successful, just to really hurt you and prove to themselves and the outer world that they are the worthy one.
Weird things narcissists say to keep you around…
“No one else will ever love you the way I do.”
|→ The narcissist is trying to make you feel like the ‘love’ you shared is one in a million. They’re gaslighting you into thinking that without them, you’ll never be able to experience love again. They’re ultimately saying that you’re ‘unlovable,’ but wrapping it up in a love bomb, which is more of their twisted abuse.|
“You’re the only one I’ll ever love,” OR “I’ll never love anyone ever again.”
|→ This is a total guilt manoeuvre designed to make you feel like you’re robbing the narcissist of ever being in a relationship again. They want you to feel extremely bad for walking away. Meanwhile, they’re already seeing someone else or will have moved on within weeks, while you’re left picking up the millions of pieces they’ve left you in.|
“Why didn’t you tell me you were unhappy? We could have fixed this.”
|→ Notice how the narcissist uses “we” instead of “I?” This is a roundabout way of not taking any responsibility for the break-down of the relationship, because they’ve dumped you right into the problem. |
If you didn’t tell them that you were unhappy, how could they possibly have known, right? Therefore, it’s all your fault. This could also be used as a future fake, because you could be left thinking that they do want to fix things, although they didn’t directly say that.
“I know I’ve had commitment issues, but let’s have that baby (or get married, or move in together)!”
|→ Narcissists actually have no attachment to kids, marriage or committed relationships unless it suits their public image. And they certainly will not commit to anything if someone else is putting the pressure on them to do so. They despise being told what to do! |
However, they will know exactly what your hopes and dreams are and actively withhold them from you during the relationship as a means of control. It also gives them something to offer as a false promise (future fake) if you’ve got one foot out the door and they need to pull you back in.
“How could you leave me right now, at this point in my life?”
|→ The narcissist will try to make you feel guilty for daring to leave them right at this crucial moment [insert personal tragedy]. In reality, it doesn’t matter when you leave them, they will always have some type of drama that they’ll use to keep you there.|
“I’ll go to therapy and change. I know what I’ve done wrong and I want to work on it.”
|→ This is total future faking. The narcissist is saying exactly what you want to hear, in order to get you back right now based on what they are saying they’ll do in the future. They have no intention of going to therapy or changing, because they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them or their behaviour. Their actions never match their words.|
“What’s the point in living now? I might as well just kill myself!”
|→ This one will come complete with tears and/ or rage, just to really set the scene that they’re suicidal because of you. If the narcissist is feeling really desperate in trying to keep you, they’ll pull out the biggest emotional blackmail of them all. “If you don’t stay, I’ll end my life.” |
No matter how well-played this is or even if they did try to do it, you are never responsible for someone else’s life. That falls squarely on their own shoulders. However, narcissists know exactly how to zone in on your empathy and use it against you as a weapon.
“So, as soon as there’s one little problem, you’re just going to give up/ run away?”
|→ This is another guilt-trip tactic to shame you and make you feel bad about wanting to leave the narcissist. Again, they downplay and take zero responsibility for their actions. You’re the problem for giving up and walking away. Shame on you!|
Random hoovering texts…
“I just drove past our favourite beach and thought of you. So, how have you been, anyway?”
“Hey, are my black pants still at your place? I’ve got an important interview on Friday, so I really need to pick them up.”
“I just heard that your Grandmother died. I hope you’re okay.”
|→ If you’ve left the narcissist and gone ‘No Contact,’ they will notoriously send seemingly random messages, even though they are actually very well thought out. The idea is to get you reminiscing about the good times and forgetting about all the horrendous things they’ve said and done to hurt you.|
Narcissists can pick out the most precise time to send a message so that they can fully monopolise your headspace, which stops you from healing, focussing on yourself and moving on. It might be when they know that you’re with the kids, busy at work or sitting at home by yourself.
“Can I please speak with you? I just want to ask a few things so that I can have some closure.”
|→ Be very wary of a narcissist trying to shoulder their way in for an ‘innocent’ conversation. What they’re actually wanting to do is open up the door of communication again for their own agenda. They will either want to hook you back into their web or gaslight you in order to control the storyline. |
The narcissist needs to make sure that you keep your mouth closed about their abusive ways in order to keep their public image intact. To do that, they need to manipulate your memory of things so that you are left questioning yourself and rationalising their behaviours. That way, you will be less likely to ever cast them in a bad light.
“So, what’s your plan now – just be pathetic and broke forever?”
|→ If you really are leaving the narcissist, they have to be sure to devalue you in the process. They just can’t fathom why someone would leave their amazing self. They should be the one discarding you! So, to deflect their true inner feelings of abandonment and rejection, they’ll aim to crush your self-worth in order to make themselves look and feel better.|
Things Narcissists Say to Excuse Their Behaviour
Narcs absolutely refuse to take accountability for their words and actions. If they were to admit fault, that would mean that their whole false reality (based on them being flawless) would crumble.
Since narcissists disowned their True Selves long ago, they no longer have the resources required to feel empathy, kindness, compassion and love. Along with that, they do not feel guilt or remorse for the things that come out of their mouth, even though they can masterfully fake it when there’s something in it for them.
The things narcissists say to excuse their behaviour can be mind-boggling, infuriating and confusing all in the same breath.
Weird things narcissists say to excuse their behaviour…
“I was just stressed, I didn’t really mean it.”
|→ In the world of a narcissist, they can say and do whatever they like without consequence. If you turn around and express how cruel or hurtful they were, they’ll just brush it off with, “I didn’t mean it, just get over it.” It’s a complete avoidance of accountability and invalidation of your feelings.|
“If you would just shut up and listen, I wouldn’t have to yell at you/ repeat myself!”
|→ Of course, it’s not the narcissist’s fault for yelling, it’s your fault for making them yell. Nothing is ever the narc’s fault because their False Self has them believing that they are perfect and superior.|
“Maybe if you paid me a bit more attention, I wouldn’t have to look at other people.”
|→ If a narcissists gets caught perving, watching porn or even scrolling on dating apps, they will immediately blame you for their actions. It’s not their fault they’re looking elsewhere, it’s your fault for not giving to them enough.|
“You need to sort out your jealousy streak.”
|→ If the narcissist is actually cheating on you and you start to catch wind of it, get ready to be hit with all sorts of abuse (beyond the initial betrayal). They want to have their cake and eat it too, because they’re completely entitled and don’t see a problem with it. |
In fact, if you come sniffing around, you are now the problem, not their behaviour. They’ll have you doubting yourself and even apologising to them for ever thinking that they could possibly cheat on you.
Things Narcissists Say When Gaslighting
In the narcissist’s false reality, which is completely fabricated by their ego, they are a superior being, who deserves to obeyed, adored and waited upon.
For you to go along with this delusional world of theirs, they unequivocally need you to always view things from their perspective only. Your views, thoughts, hopes and dreams are completely irrelevant to the narcissist, therefore they don’t exist in their world.
To make this happen, the narcissist will use gaslighting techniques to erode your own sense of reality. Over time, without you even being aware, you end up doubting your own self and taking on the reality of the narcissist.
These are the 6 gaslighting techniques used by narcissists:
- Countering your memory
- Denying conversations and events
- Withholding conversation, affection and acts of service
- Invalidating your feelings and experiences
- Diverting the focus away from them and their behaviours
- Generalising with blanket statements to invalidate
Below are some examples of the things narcissists say from each gaslighting category.
Weird things narcissists say when gaslighting…
“You have such a bad memory. This is what actually happened…”
“I hurt you? What about what you did to me?”
“You’ve got a crazy imagination.”
“My memory has always been perfect.”
“You’re delusional, maybe you should get some help.”
|→ The narcissist will completely contradict your memory and version of events, even if you know that what you’re saying is true and you’ve got hard evidence to support it.|
“I never said that”
“That never happened.”
“I was never there.”
“You seriously just make stuff up.”
“This is the first time I’m hearing about it.”
|→ Narcissists are pathological liars and have no issue with denying truths that do no serve their agenda. Even if they just do it at random intervals, for no other purpose than to mess with your head and control your memory.|
“I don’t have time for this.”
“If you don’t know what you did, I shouldn’t have to explain it to you.”
“I am who I am. If you don’t like it, there’s the door.”
“I’m done talking about this.”
|→ Narcissists withhold as a way of making you grovel for information and validation from them. They know that your nervous system will be on edge and that they’re keeping you in a state of anxiety. By controlling your emotions, they feel extremely powerful.|
“It was just a joke, get over it. God, you’re so sensitive.”
“Are you really going to let something so small ruin the entire weekend?”
“Why are you being so difficult?”
“Poor you, would you like a tissue?”
“That’s not important.”
|→ Invalidating you is all about belittling your experience and making you feel as though you’re being too needy or too sensitive. The narcissist aims to make you feel as though there’s something wrong with you. It’s not their hurtful behaviour that’s wrong, it’s your reaction to it that’s the problem. |
When someone is constantly devaluing you, over time you begin to think that there must be something intrinsically wrong with you. This is how the narcissist diminishes your self-worth and identity to instill that they are the only important one in the relationship. Your feelings and experiences do not matter.
“You’re the one with the problem here, not me.”
“If you just did as you were told, I wouldn’t have to [insert action].”
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“You always have to make everything about you.”
“Because you’re just perfect aren’t you! What about all of the things you’ve done?”
|→ The whole idea of diverting the focus off themselves and back onto you is to shift the blame and avoid accountability. They’ll make out that you’re the problem, not them.|
“It’s because I’m such a good parent/ partner/ boss.”
“All you men/ women are the same.”
“You love playing the victim, don’t you?”
“Everyone agrees with me.”
“You have intimacy problems.”
|→ When narcissists generalise to devalue, they invalidate you as an individual and put you in the same bucket as all people from that category. They basically stonewall your opinion or emotion and close the door to any chance of discussion. |
But they can also generalise to put themselves in the same category as others if it serves to inflate their False Self. Again, this is a great way for them to not look at their own negative behaviours, yet claim the good parts that come with that role.
◆ 100+ Gaslighting Examples →
Things Narcissists Say that Give Themselves Away
There are some really random things narcissists say that totally give themselves away. If you listen closely to what the narcissist accuses you of, you’ll have a really good idea of what they are actually doing (or about to do).
Guilt is not an emotion narcissists can register, so if there’s an inkling of discomfort within about their own behaviour, they will immediately project it outward back onto you. Their False Self cannot accept that they are flawed in any way, therefore anything that’s wrong must be your fault, because it can’t be theirs.
Weird things narcissists say that give themselves away…
“Why were you out so late last night? Are you seeing somebody behind my back?”
|→ If a narcissist is paranoid about you cheating on them, it’s a huge red flag that they’re currently cheating on you, or thinking about doing so. Narcissists think that everyone operates the way they do, in their dog eat dog world. |
So, if they stay out late to hook up with someone else, they will assume the same of you. Even though in truth, you were probably just caught in traffic or catching up with a friend. However, the narcissist will not be able to accept your truth, because they themselves do not operate from truth.
“Why do you take your phone with you to the bedroom? Have you got something to hide?”
|→ Again, if the narcissist has something to hide on their phone, they’ll suddenly become suspicious that you might be hiding something from them. Then they’ll totally give themselves away by accusing you of the very thing that they’re doing.|
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to.”
|→ Clearly the narcissist is up to something dodgy and they don’t want you to know anything about it. So, just to create a big grand diversion, they’ll accuse you of being up to something. Now, you’ll be too busy defending yourself and trying to prove your trustworthiness to the narc, to see what they’re up to.|
“My ex is a crazy psycho.”
|→ If you ask any narcissist about their exes, odds are that they’ll all be psychos. Remember, narcissists are masters at blaming others for their own disowned behaviour. Which means, if all of their exes are being painted as crazy… and the narc is the common denominator… maybe they are the psycho one after all. |
And if their pattern is ‘crazy exes,’ you can guarantee that you are now the next future crazy ex in line. Think about that for a minute.
Things Narcissistic Friends Say
“Why are you hanging out with them? Am I not good enough to hang around with any more?”
|→ Narcissistic friends can be extremely jealous. Not because they particularly care about you, but because you’re their possession and they don’t like to share. Beneath it all, they fear rejection and abandonment, so to counter that they’ll demand undivided loyalty from you. |
However, don’t expect that to be reciprocated when they find someone else who offers them shinier resources, time and energy.
“I need to borrow $100, I’ve got a hot date tomorrow and I haven’t been paid yet.”
|→ Notice how they didn’t even ask for a loan, they just imposed that you hand over the money. Whether or not they’re good for it, only you can know. But to them, one of your roles is to be a walking ATM when required.|
“Oh my god, I’ve got so much to tell you!”
|→ Narcissists love talking about themselves exclusively and the job of their friends is to be their attentive audience at all times. They don’t care about what you’ve been up to and on the rare occasion that they ask, they’re not listening to the answer.|
“Did you hear about what [insert name] did?”
|→ Many of the gossip Kings and Queens of the world are high on the narcissism spectrum. They thrive on gossiping about others as putting others down serves to make them appear more superior. Plus, spreading rumours makes them feel powerful over the lives of other people. Gossiping is total low vibe energy.|
“Next time we’re out, could you maybe tone down your laugh a little?”
|→ This is a classic devaluation to make you feel shitty about yourself and pull you down beneath them. The narcissistic friend needs to be at the top of the pyramid in their little lunchbox, so that they feel superior and powerful over their minions.|
“Don’t I look amazing today?!”
|→ Narcissists need constant admiration and attention. In order to gain that, they’ll outright demand compliments from their friends. Anyone with a shred of empathy is not going to tell someone that they look crap, especially an overbearing, narcissistic friend.|
Another layer to the narc friend expecting everyone to flatter them is the unspoken theme that they look the best and supersede you.
◆ 14 Signs of a Narcissistic Friend →
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