Narcissists are shifty creatures. They walk through life, dressed up as regular human beings just like the rest of us, but deep inside, their self-absorption is all-consuming and even predatory.
The strangest thing is, once youโve had the displeasure of experiencing multiple narcissists, you come out the other side, realising that theyโre all actually pretty cookie-cutter.
The weird things narcissists say are extremely unoriginal across the board. Itโs almost like theyโre reading from a script!
So, letโs have a look at weird things narcissists say and explore what they really mean underneath those words.
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Weird Things Narcissists Say

Things Narcissists Say in a Relationship
There are many weird things narcissists say in a relationship that would just not fly in a normal, healthy relationship. If something sounds too romantic or too hurtful to be true, chances are that it is.
Weird things narcissists say in a relationshipโฆ
โItโs just because I care about you so much.โ
โ This is where the narcissist is reinforcing your internal desire to have them genuinely care about you. The thing is, their actions rarely demonstrate true care and kindness, so they need to occasionally say the words, just to breadcrumb you into thinking that itโs true. This is part of the trauma bonding process where they withhold, then give just enough to keep you on the hook and hopelessly addicted to getting another scrap. Itโs an inversion of truth, designed to confuse you and is usually delivered right when theyโre treating you horribly. The confusion of their words being a contradiction to their actions creates cognitive dissonance (where the mind canโt take on the two opposites, so it chooses the one that it wants to see as real). |
โWeโre soul mates.โ
โ Let me tell you, thereโs nothing โsoul mateyโ about a narcissistic relationship. Itโs purely karmic, filled with abuse and lessons, which only you have the ability to see and ascend beyond when the time is right. Narcโs will use the soul mate card to create exclusivity and make you feel like there is no one else. This effectively gets you to sign yourself over to them so that they can drain your life force energy into their empty black void as much as their conscienceless self desires. |
โYouโre so controlling, and I know Iโm not the only one who thinks that.โ
โ This whole statement is wrapped up in projection and triangulation. Theyโre blaming you for the very thing theyโre doing, then bringing backup by saying that others agree with them. Quite often, these โoutside opinionsโ are completely fabricated, just to further devalue you and isolate you. |
โYou donโt own me. I donโt have to do what you say, whenever you say it.โ
โ Narcissists absolutely hate authority or being made to do anything. Along with that, they are only ever in it for themselves. They donโt care about working as a team or reciprocating anything you do for them (unless they can get something out of it). They might agree to something one minute, without actually having any intention of going through with it (future faking). Then when you ask them why they didnโt follow through, theyโll throw at you, โStop trying to control me! Itโs your problem for making assumptions.โ |
โEveryone says how perfect we are together.โ
โ Everything comes down to appearances for a narcissist. If they look good, it means they gain the admiration and attention they need to feed their ego. You are a prop to them. An accessory to validate their agenda or a tool to gain resources and energy. Narcissists love the idea that people envy their relationship (even though you know itโs sub-par behind closed doors). Due to the underhanded gaslighting and manipulations coming from the narcissist, hearing that others view your relationship as good, further strengthens your trauma bond with the narc, making you feel even closer and more connected to them. |
โThatโs because of your trauma, not me.โ
โ Narcissists will know all about your childhood wounding and family issues. That was a part of what they were studying during the love bombing phase. So, whenever you approach them about how youโre feeling or how their behaviour is affecting you, theyโll blame-shift using your trauma. Being the empathetic, wounded soul that you are, youโll go off and try to fix yourself, bearing the weight of all the relationship issues. Meanwhile, the narcissist kicks back and changes nothing about themselves, effectively shifting their own baggage onto you to carry and deal with. |
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Things Narcissists Say in an Argument

Narcissists have no conscience, which means no empathy, compassion, care, love or kindness for any other human being. You will see this part of their disorder in full swing when youโre caught up in a narcissistic argument, even if you donโt have all of the words to describe it aptly.
Weird things narcissists say in an argumentโฆ
โAfter everything Iโve done for you!โ
โ Everything to a narcissist is transactional. Nothing they do is for free; therefore, every little thing that they do is because they expect it to be returned to them tenfold. It doesnโt matter how terribly they treat you, they will use that one time they did something nice, in order to make you feel awful for ever voicing your hurts or concerns. |
โYouโd be nothing without me!โ
โ The truth is the narcissist actually needs you more than you need them. They need you for your energy and resources, so that they can feed their False Self and alleviate the pain of their internal empty void. But they absolutely cannot have you find out this truth, otherwise youโd never stick around. Instead, they chip away at your self-worth and make you believe that you need them in order to succeed and survive. Itโs a classic inversion of truth. |
โYouโre so ungrateful!โ
โ The narcissist feels fully entitled to treat you however they feel like, then if you ever turn around and complain about anything, theyโll accuse you of being ungrateful. In their mind, you should be so lucky theyโre even there at all. |
โYou always have to make everything about yourself!โ
โ Having a narcissist blame you for being self-centred is one of the most frustrating things to have to endure. They usually whip this one out in the very rare moments that youโre asking for your needs to be considered. You inherently know that being accused by this person of selfishness is crazy. All you ever do is walk on eggshells around them and tend to their needs. How could they possibly accuse you of only ever thinking about yourself? |
โJust let it go already.โ
โ The narcissist wants you to stop talking about this topic because it zones in on what theyโre actually doing in the way of manipulation and abuse. If you donโt, they will further gaslight you to completely minimise your experience, just to reiterate that this topic is not open for discussion. |
โStop yelling at me!โ
โ Usually, when a narcissist tells you to stop yelling, itโs because they are actually yelling at you and want to really wind you up. The whole point is to make you feel like youโre going crazy and bait you until you snap. Then the narcissist will switch to cool, calm and collected, making you out to be an unhinged, nut job. When youโre in this space, they have complete control over your emotions, which makes it easier to gaslight your reality and get you to bend to their will, usually out of sheer exhaustion. |
โYou made me do it!โ
โ If thereโs one famous narcissistic line, this is the one. Narcs are renowned for blaming their victims for the very abuse they inflict. Itโs the ultimate wiping of the hands and refusal to take responsibility. |
โYou always have to be right, donโt you?โ
โ The narcissist can see that youโre on to them, so they need to totally invalidate you and squash your confidence in yourself in order to stop you from going further down that path. This tactic is to make you feel like you need to defend yourself. Then, once youโre down their โword saladโ rabbit hole, they can gaslight you and create self-doubt, just to throw you off the scent. |
โWhy do you always have to argue about everything?โ
โ Any time you make the narcissist feel uncomfortable or call them out on something, they like to accuse you of โcreating an argument.โ This diverts away from their abusive behaviour and sheds you in the light of being the creator of all problems. Before you know it, youโre trying to defend yourself and claim that you are a good, moral person, who would never do the things that theyโre accusing you of. Now, youโve completely forgotten about the initial conversation (which the narc termed an argument) and theyโve managed to evade accountability. |
Things Narcissists Say to Keep You Around or Get You Back

Expect absolutely anything and everything when it comes to the weird things narcissists will say to keep you around. But donโt be fooled, itโs not because they miss you or love you. To them, you are an item they own, plus they want to save face and not be seen as being dumped (rejected).
Theyโve already put in all of the hard yards with love bombing you and figuring out your triggers so that they can manipulate you. If they think thereโs still narcissistic supply left in you for the taking, they donโt want anyone else to get their hands on that.
Another reason for wanting to keep you around is for control, which makes them feel incredibly powerful and significant. If they can get you back, theyโll think theyโve won. They may promise to change, but once theyโve hooked you in, theyโll abuse and punish you even harder for betraying them and trying to escape.
Then they might very well discard you for someone younger, richer or more successful, just to really hurt you and prove to themselves and the outer world that they are the worthy one.
Weird things narcissists say to keep you aroundโฆ
โNo one else will ever love you the way I do.โ
โ The narcissist is trying to make you feel like the โloveโ you shared is one in a million. Theyโre gaslighting you into thinking that without them, youโll never be able to experience love again. Theyโre ultimately saying that youโre โunlovable,โ but wrapping it up in a love bomb, which is more of their twisted abuse. |
โYouโre the only one Iโll ever love,โ OR โIโll never love anyone ever again.โ
โ This is a total guilt manoeuvre designed to make you feel like youโre robbing the narcissist of ever being in a relationship again. They want you to feel extremely bad for walking away. Meanwhile, theyโre already seeing someone else or will have moved on within weeks, while youโre left picking up the millions of pieces theyโve left you in. |
โWhy didnโt you tell me you were unhappy? We could have fixed this.โ
โ Notice how the narcissist uses โweโ instead of โI?โ This is a roundabout way of not taking any responsibility for the break-down of the relationship, because theyโve dumped you right into the problem. If you didnโt tell them that you were unhappy, how could they possibly have known, right? Therefore, itโs all your fault. This could also be used as a future fake, because you could be left thinking that they do want to fix things, although they didnโt directly say that. |
โI know Iโve had commitment issues, but letโs have that baby (or get married, or move in together)!โ
โ Narcissists actually have no attachment to kids, marriage or committed relationships unless it suits their public image. And they certainly will not commit to anything if someone else is putting the pressure on them to do so. They despise being told what to do! However, they will know exactly what your hopes and dreams are and actively withhold them from you during the relationship as a means of control. It also gives them something to offer as a false promise (future fake) if youโve got one foot out the door and they need to pull you back in. |
โHow could you leave me right now, at this point in my life?โ
โ The narcissist will try to make you feel guilty for daring to leave them right at this crucial moment [insert personal tragedy]. In reality, it doesnโt matter when you leave them; they will always have some type of drama that theyโll use to keep you there. |
โIโll go to therapy and change. I know what Iโve done wrong, and I want to work on it.โ
โ This is total future faking. The narcissist is saying exactly what you want to hear, in order to get you back right now, based on what they are saying theyโll do in the future. They have no intention of going to therapy or changing, because they donโt think thereโs anything wrong with them or their behaviour. Their actions never match their words. |
โWhatโs the point in living now? I might as well just kill myself!โ
โ This one will come complete with tears and/ or rage, just to really set the scene that theyโre suicidal because of you. If the narcissist is feeling really desperate in trying to keep you, theyโll pull out the biggest emotional blackmail of them all. โIf you donโt stay, Iโll end my life.โ No matter how well-played this is or even if they did try to do it, you are never responsible for someone elseโs life. That falls squarely on their own shoulders. However, narcissists know exactly how to zone in on your empathy and use it against you as a weapon. |
โSo, as soon as thereโs one little problem, youโre just going to give up/ run away?โ
โ This is another guilt-trip tactic to shame you and make you feel bad about wanting to leave the narcissist. Again, they downplay and take zero responsibility for their actions. Youโre the problem for giving up and walking away. Shame on you! |
Random hoovering textsโฆ
- โI just drove past our favourite beach and thought of you. So, how have you been, anyway?โ
- โHey, are my black pants still at your place? Iโve got an important interview on Friday, so I really need to pick them up.โ
- โI just heard that your Grandmother died. I hope youโre okay.โ
โ If youโve left the narcissist and gone โNo Contact,โ they will notoriously send seemingly random messages, even though they are actually very well thought out. The idea is to get you reminiscing about the good times and forgetting about all the horrendous things theyโve said and done to hurt you. Narcissists can pick out the most precise time to send a message so that they can fully monopolise your headspace, which stops you from healing, focussing on yourself and moving on. It might be when they know that youโre with the kids, busy at work or sitting at home by yourself. |
โCan I please speak with you? I just want to ask a few things so that I can have some closure.โ
โ Be very wary of a narcissist trying to shoulder their way in for an โinnocentโ conversation. What theyโre actually wanting to do is open up the door of communication again for their own agenda. They will either want to hook you back into their web or gaslight you in order to control the storyline. The narcissist needs to make sure that you keep your mouth closed about their abusive ways in order to keep their public image intact. To do that, they need to manipulate your memory of things so that you are left questioning yourself and rationalising their behaviours. That way, you will be less likely to ever cast them in a bad light. |
โSo, whatโs your plan now โ just be pathetic and broke forever?โ
โ If you really are leaving the narcissist, they have to be sure to devalue you in the process. They just canโt fathom why someone would leave their amazing self. They should be the ones discarding you! So, to deflect their true inner feelings of abandonment and rejection, theyโll aim to crush your self-worth to make themselves look and feel better. |
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Things Narcissists Say to Excuse Their Behaviour

Narcs absolutely refuse to take accountability for their words and actions. If they were to admit fault, that would mean that their whole false reality (based on them being flawless) would crumble.
Since narcissists disowned their True Selves long ago, they no longer have the resources required to feel empathy, kindness, compassion and love. Along with that, they do not feel guilt or remorse for the things that come out of their mouth, even though they can masterfully fake it when thereโs something in it for them.
The things narcissists say to excuse their behaviour can be mind-boggling, infuriating and confusing all in the same breath.
Weird things narcissists say to excuse their behaviourโฆ
โI was just stressed, I didnโt really mean it.โ
โ In the world of a narcissist, they can say and do whatever they like without consequence. If you turn around and express how cruel or hurtful they were, theyโll just brush it off with, โI didnโt mean it, just get over it.โ Itโs a complete avoidance of accountability and invalidation of your feelings. |
โIf you would just shut up and listen, I wouldnโt have to yell at you/ repeat myself!โ
โ Of course, itโs not the narcissistโs fault for yelling; itโs your fault for making them yell. Nothing is ever the narcโs fault because their False Self has them believing that they are perfect and superior. |
โMaybe if you paid me a bit more attention, I wouldnโt have to look at other people.โ
โ If a narcissist gets caught perving, watching porn or even scrolling on dating apps, they will immediately blame you for their actions. Itโs not their fault theyโre looking elsewhere; itโs your fault for not giving them enough. |
โYou need to sort out your jealousy streak.โ
โ If the narcissist is actually cheating on you and you start to catch wind of it, get ready to be hit with all sorts of abuse (beyond the initial betrayal). They want to have their cake and eat it too, because theyโre completely entitled and donโt see a problem with it. In fact, if you come sniffing around, you are now the problem, not their behaviour. Theyโll have you doubting yourself and even apologising to them for ever thinking that they could possibly cheat on you. |
Things Narcissists Say When Gaslighting

In the narcissistโs false reality, which is completely fabricated by their ego, they are a superior being who deserves to be obeyed, adored and waited upon.
For you to go along with this delusional world of theirs, they unequivocally need you to always view things from their perspective only. Your views, thoughts, hopes and dreams are completely irrelevant to the narcissist; therefore, they donโt exist in their world.
To make this happen, the narcissist will use gaslighting techniques to erode your own sense of reality. Over time, without you even being aware, you end up doubting your own self and taking on the reality of the narcissist.
These are the 6 gaslighting techniques used by narcissists:
- Countering your memory
- Denying conversations and events
- Withholding conversation, affection and acts of service
- Invalidating your feelings and experiences
- Diverting the focus away from them and their behaviours
- Generalising with blanket statements to invalidate
Below are some examples of the weird things narcissists say from each gaslighting category.
Countering phrases:
- โYou have such a bad memory. This is what actually happenedโฆโ
- โI hurt you? What about what you did to me?โ
- โYouโve got a crazy imagination.โ
- โMy memory has always been perfect.โ
- โYouโre delusional, maybe you should get some help.โ
โ The narcissist will completely contradict your memory and version of events, even if you know that what youโre saying is true and youโve got hard evidence to support it. |
Denial phrases:
- โI never said thatโ
- โThat never happened.โ
- โI was never there.โ
- โYou seriously just make stuff up.โ
- โThis is the first time Iโm hearing about it.โ
โ Narcissists are pathological liars and have no issue with denying truths that do not serve their agenda. Even if they just do it at random intervals, for no other purpose than to mess with your head and control your memory. |
Withholding phrases:
- โI donโt have time for this.โ
- โIf you donโt know what you did, I shouldnโt have to explain it to you.โ
- โI am who I am. If you donโt like it, thereโs the door.โ
- โWhatever.โ
- โIโm done talking about this.โ
โ Narcissists withhold as a way of making you grovel for information and validation from them. They know that your nervous system will be on edge and that theyโre keeping you in a state of anxiety. By controlling your emotions, they feel extremely powerful. |

Memory Journal
Release the painful memories once and for all!
- Journal recurring thoughts
- Sort through whatโs yours vs. theirs
- Identify your inner wounds to heal
- Return the narcissistโs disowned wounding
- Step-by-step guidance
- PRINTABLE & DIGITAL
Invalidating phrasesโฆ
- โIt was just a joke, get over it. God, youโre so sensitive.โ
- โAre you really going to let something so small ruin the entire weekend?โ
- โWhy are you being so difficult?โ
- โPoor you, would you like a tissue?โ
- โThatโs not important.โ
โ Invalidating you is all about belittling your experience and making you feel as though youโre being too needy or too sensitive. The narcissist aims to make you feel as though thereโs something wrong with you. Itโs not their hurtful behaviour thatโs wrong, itโs your reaction to it thatโs the problem. When someone is constantly devaluing you, over time you begin to think that there must be something intrinsically wrong with you. This is how the narcissist diminishes your self-worth and identity to instil that they are the only important one in the relationship. Your feelings and experiences do not matter. |
Diverting phrasesโฆ
- โYouโre the one with the problem here, not me.โ
- โIf you just did as you were told, I wouldnโt have to [insert action].โ
- โAre you calling me a liar?โ
- โYou always have to make everything about you.โ
- โBecause youโre just perfect, arenโt you?! What about all of the things youโve done?โ
โ The whole idea of diverting the focus off themselves and back onto you is to shift the blame and avoid accountability. Theyโll make out that youโre the problem, not them. |
Generalising phrasesโฆ
- โItโs because Iโm such a good parent/ partner/ boss.โ
- โAll you men/ women are the same.โ
- โYou love playing the victim, donโt you?โ
- โEveryone agrees with me.โ
- โYou have intimacy problems.โ
โ When narcissists generalise to devalue, they invalidate you as an individual and put you in the same bucket as all people from that category. They basically stonewall your opinion or emotion and close the door to any chance of discussion. But they can also generalise to put themselves in the same category as others if it serves to inflate their False Self. Again, this is a great way for them to not look at their own negative behaviours, yet claim the good parts that come with that role. |
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Things Narcissists Say that Give Themselves Away

There are some really random things narcissists say that totally give themselves away. If you listen closely to what the narcissist accuses you of, youโll have a really good idea of what they are actually doing (or about to do).
Guilt is not an emotion narcissists can register, so if thereโs an inkling of discomfort within about their own behaviour, they will immediately project it outward back onto you. Their False Self cannot accept that they are flawed in any way, therefore anything thatโs wrong must be your fault, because it canโt be theirs.
Weird things narcissists say that give themselves awayโฆ
โWhy were you out so late last night? Are you seeing somebody behind my back?โ
โ If a narcissist is paranoid about you cheating on them, itโs a huge red flag that theyโre currently cheating on you or thinking about doing so. Narcissists think that everyone operates the way they do, in their dog-eat-dog world. So, if they stay out late to hook up with someone else, they will assume the same of you. Even though in truth, you were probably just caught in traffic or catching up with a friend. However, the narcissist will not be able to accept your truth, because they themselves do not operate from truth. |
โWhy do you take your phone with you to the bedroom? Have you got something to hide?โ
โ Again, if the narcissist has something to hide on their phone, theyโll suddenly become suspicious that you might be hiding something from them. Then theyโll totally give themselves away by accusing you of the very thing that theyโre doing. |
โDonโt think I donโt know what youโre up to.โ
โ Clearly, the narcissist is up to something dodgy, and they donโt want you to know anything about it. So, just to create a big grand diversion, theyโll accuse you of being up to something. Now, youโll be too busy defending yourself and trying to prove your trustworthiness to the narc to see what theyโre up to. |
โMy ex is a crazy psycho.โ
โ If you ask any narcissist about their exes, odds are that theyโll all be psychos. Remember, narcissists are masters at blaming others for their own disowned behaviour. Which means, if all of their exes are being painted as crazyโฆ and the narc is the common denominatorโฆ maybe they are the psycho one after all. And if their pattern is โcrazy exes,โ you can guarantee that you are now the next future crazy ex in line. Think about that for a minute. |
Things Narcissistic Friends Say

โWhy are you hanging out with them? Am I not good enough to hang around with anymore?โ
โ Narcissistic friends can be extremely jealous. Not because they particularly care about you, but because youโre their possession and they donโt like to share. Beneath it all, they fear rejection and abandonment, so to counter that theyโll demand undivided loyalty from you. However, donโt expect that to be reciprocated when they find someone else who offers them shinier resources, time and energy. |
โI need to borrow $100, Iโve got a hot date tomorrow and I havenโt been paid yet.โ
โ Notice how they didnโt even ask for a loan; they just imposed that you hand over the money. Whether or not theyโre good for it, only you can know. But to them, one of your roles is to be a walking ATM when required. |
โOh my God, Iโve got so much to tell you!โ
โ Narcissists love talking about themselves exclusively, and the job of their friends is to be their attentive audience at all times. They donโt care about what youโve been up to, and on the rare occasion that they ask, theyโre not listening to the answer. |
โDid you hear about what [insert name] did?โ
โ Many of the gossip Kings and Queens of the world are high on the narcissism spectrum. They thrive on gossiping about others as putting others down serves to make them appear superior. Plus, spreading rumours makes them feel powerful over the lives of other people. Gossiping is total low-vibe energy. |
โNext time weโre out, could you maybe tone down your laugh a little?โ
โ This is a classic devaluation to make you feel shitty about yourself and pull you down beneath them. The narcissistic friend needs to be at the top of the pyramid in their little lunchbox, so that they feel superior and powerful over their minions. |
โDonโt I look amazing today?!โ
โ Narcissists need constant admiration and attention. In order to gain that, theyโll outright demand compliments from their friends. Anyone with a shred of empathy is not going to tell someone that they look crap, especially an overbearing, narcissistic friend. Another layer to the narc friend expecting everyone to flatter them is the unspoken theme that they look the best and supersede you. |
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โถ๏ธ VIDEO: Weird Things Narcissists Say
