How Does Someone Become a Narcissist?

How Does Someone Become a Narcissist?

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No one is born a narcissist. They’re formed as a result of childhood wounding.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is created through toxic childhood environments as a trauma response. As a survival mechanism, the child unconsciously disowned the painful parts of themselves and chose a reality of inflated perfection instead.

That’s not to say that all children who experience trauma will become narcissistic or develop NPD. In fact, many children go in the opposite direction, developing a hyperawareness to other people’s needs, becoming codependent over-givers to survive.

Let’s explore how someone becomes a narcissist and why it’s more than just vanity or vague selfishness.

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How Does Someone Become a Narcissist?

Narcissist's Fantasy Reality

The Creation of the Narcissist

In the narcissist’s early years, they underwent traumatic experiences that instilled a profound sense of defectiveness, unworthiness, and shame within them. This trauma was often the result of some form of neglect (both emotional and/or physical) or abuse. It could even have been excessive pampering, giving them an unhealthily inflated view of themselves.

The child was likely experiencing an environment where they were being treated as though they were worthless unless they performed in a way that their caregiver approved of. Then, when the caregiver did show their approval of the child, they were treated as though they were amazing and perfect.

This flip between irrelevance and elation was very confusing for the child and is the foundation for who they later become.

The narcissist ends up living in a world where they need constant validation and approval to prop up their False Self and avoid sinking into their inner self-loathing.

Whatever the toxic scenario was for the child, they were left with such massive feelings of abandonment and rejection that they could not bear to feel the awful emotions that came along with that.

On an unconscious level, they said, “I absolutely refuse to feel these things.” This resulted in them cutting off the part of themselves that was making them feel their deep wounding, which they simply could not bear to acknowledge.

The Severing of Their True Self

Our True Self is an integral piece that allows us to experience the full range of human emotions.

With our True Self we can feel all of the things from love, compassion, kindness and empathy in a truly authentic way. However, it also allows us to feel the depths of our pain and wounding.

This was the aspect that the pre-narcissistic child could not stand, so they subconsciously cut off their True Self.

It was the ultimate act of self-avoidance.

They chose to disown their wounding because that was the easiest way for it to all go away. On a soul level, they have now lost their chance to face their inner wounds and heal them in this lifetime.

Unbeknownst to the narcissist, their wounds will continue to sit under the surface, festering away and poisoning them from the inside, while they spend their entire lives running from them.

When the child killed off their True Self, the only thing that was left to run things was their ego, which was the birth of the narcissist.

The Ego Becomes Their Ruler

The ego was unconsciously granted unrestricted control, completely warping the narcissist’s perception of reality and constructing a fantastical world for them to reside in for the rest of their life. In this alternate reality, the narcissist’s ego convinces them that they are exceptional, superior, and flawless.

On a more profound level, when they unconsciously opted for the narcissistic journey, a psychological division occurred. Their imagined reality goes beyond mere dreams or wishful thinking; they genuinely perceive their newfound reality as being ‘real.’

The ego knows that for it to remain the ruler of the narcissist, it needs to hide the truth from them at all costs. That truth being that they are a flawed and regular human being, just like everybody else.

In order for the narcissist to psychologically survive, it is imperative that this fantasy, depicting them as a throned God, is consistently mirrored back to them as an unquestionable reality.

READ: 12 Narcissist Traits

Keeping Their Alternate Reality Alive

The problem with the narcissist’s alternative reality is that there’s nothing tangible or real about it at all. It’s nothing more than a projection of their imagination.

Hence, the only way to ensure the survival of their delusion is to consistently seek validation from the external world, confirming that their idealised reality is indeed genuine.

Narcissists must spend their entire lives seeking attention, admiration and approval because those are the very things that keep their fantasy alive.

In order to shield the narcissist from the reality that they are not flawless, extraordinary, or superior, the ego must block any evidence that contradicts this belief.

Therefore, those who attempt to hold the narcissist responsible for their negative behaviour will face fierce resistance.

Any form of criticism serves as proof that the narcissist is not flawless or godlike, and the ego cannot permit such information to breach the fantasy. Otherwise, the facade will crumble, unveiling the truth that the narcissist is merely a profoundly insecure person filled with shame, self-loathing and disgust.

Stealing Life Force Energy

Narcissist Energy Vampire

To gain a better understanding of the narcissist’s essence, it is essential to revisit the rupturing of their True Self.

Beyond merely embracing the complete spectrum of human emotions, our True Self provides a link to our higher self and the divine creator (however you choose to interpret that).

The True Self grants us an unlimited reserve of life force energy. Through this abundance, we become self-sufficient in terms of security, survival, unconditional love, and validation. Tapping into this infinite life force energy allows us to address our inner wounds and transition into a state of more self-love.

When the narcissist permanently amputated their True Self, they cut off their own access to life force energy.

With this severing came three (3) consequences:

  1. They have relinquished the capacity to heal their inner wounds during this lifetime and miss out on the associated soul growth.
  2. They lack the ability to provide their own sense of security, survival, love, or validation. In fact, they’ve don’t have the means to experience love at all now (both giving or receiving).
  3. The place where the True Self once sat is now a vacant, dark void. Instead of being a plentiful source of energy, it now functions as an empty space that absorbs all energy like a vacuum, never to reappear.

The narcissist not only forfeited a significant resource, but is now left with an immense void that brings them nothing but overwhelming feelings of disgust, self-loathing, shame, and rejection. Despite all the efforts the narcissist took to rid themselves of such negative emotions, they have inadvertently made their situation worse.

Now, the only way to alleviate that darkness involves continuously supplying it with life force energy, which the narcissist must now steal from others. However, the relief they experience with each feeding is always short-lived. Similar to any black hole, it remains insatiable and cannot ever be filled.

The problem is that no one’s going to willingly hand over their life force to an energy vampire, so the narcissist must manipulate people into handing it over to them instead.

This is the objective of narcissistic supply and diverting people’s attention towards themselves. Every time you direct your energy toward a narcissist, either positively or negatively, you unintentionally surrender your life force energy to them.

This is why you’ll see them smirking when they manage to so easily create drama or trigger someone’s wounding, because their manipulations have worked and they’ve got what they wanted.

READ: 2 Types of Narcissistic Supply


After looking at how someone becomes a narcissist, you can see that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not a small infliction. It’s a mental illness, which is a life sentence for that soul.

The young child killed off their True Self to the point of no resuscitation, which means there is no way for them to reconnect with the divine life force in this lifetime.

True NPD cannot be fixed or healed, it can only ever be managed if the narcissist so chooses, which is extremely rare. The very nature of NPD means that the person absolutely refuses to self-reflect or accept any of their flaws.

The narcissist does not see anything wrong with themselves or their behaviour due to their superiority complex. In their reality, there is nothing to be fixed. It will always be everyone else who is wrong and defective, but it can never be them.

That doesn’t mean that we all have to sit around copping abuse from narcissists forevermore.

Even though they’ve doomed themselves to the lower vibration of being an energetic drug addict, we are the ones who are free.

We still have full access to the divine and have the ability to pull our energy back from the narcissist, heal our inner wounding and evolve into a life filled with peace and love.

As we rise beyond the narcissist’s lower realm, we move into a vibration higher than what any narcissist could ever reside.

READ: Spiritual Awakening From Narc Abuse

The only way I was able to heal my deep inner wounds and reclaim my autonomy, peace and freedom was through energetic healing. If that resonates with you, you’ll find more information in the box below.

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▶️ VIDEO: How Are Narcissists Made?

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