If youโve ever been on the receiving end of a narcissistโs behaviour, youโll know just how self-absorbed and insane they can be! The damaging effects for those surrounding the narcissist can be devastating.
However, sometimes we just need to have a good old chuckle at life because humour can be healing for the soul.
The intent of these jokes about narcissists isnโt to point fingers or make anyone feel bad (because that would be narcissistic), but just to lighten the load for a minute and see the humorous side of what it means to be human, in all of its variations.
Hereโs a compilation of jokes about narcissists, sourced from all corners of the internet.
This post contains affiliate links, for more information, see our disclosures here.
Jokes About Narcissists
Jokes About Narcissists & MANIPULATION
Iโm not a narcissist, but if I amโฆ
itโs probably your fault.
Q: How does a narcissistย play hide and seek?
A: They convince you that they were hiding in a different spot all along.
Someone told me that Iโm a narcissist today.
I told them that itโs everyone else who is the problem.
A narcissist said to his partner, โThe last thing I want to do is hurt you. But itโs still on the list.โ
Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But narcissists can fake a whole relationship.
Q: Why donโt narcissists make good historians?ย
A: Because they keep rewriting history.
I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Theyโve assured me that Iโm the one who needs the group, so Iโm enrolling next week. Iโm so grateful for their help.
Q: Why did the narcissist buy a movie theatre?
A: They were good at projecting
Q: How do narcissists save money on their electricity bills?
A: They use gaslighting.
Q: How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Noneโฆ they use gaslighting.
Q: Whatโs the narcissistโs favourite keyboard shortcut?
A: Ctrl U.
READ: Gaslighting Examples โ |
Jokes About Narcissists & VANITY
Q: Whatโs a narcissistโs favourite operating system?
A: Windows Me.
Q: What does a narcissistic owl say?
A: Me. Me. Me.
Q: What do you call a narcissistic vampire?
A: Transyl*VAIN.*
Q: Why did the narcissist bring a mirror to the party?
A: They needed someone worthy to talk to.
Q: Why do narcissists take blurry photos?
A: They can only focus on themselves
A narcissist walks into a bar and orders a drink for the handsome gent winking at him from the opposite side of the room.
The bartender looks around. โSir, thatโs a mirror.โ
Q: How do you spot a narcissist in a grocery store?
A: Theyโll be doing the self-checkout.
A: Why are all vampires narcissists?
Q: Because theyโre incapable of self-reflection.
Q: Whatโs a narcissistโs favourite song?
A: โYouโre So Vain,โ because theyโre convinced that the song is about them.
I think my grocery store is trying to turn me into a narcissistโฆ
every time I go there they make me check myself out.
Q: How does a narcissist exercise?
A: By doing mirror curls โ lifting themselves up with every glance.
Ever heard about the narcissistic GPS?
It keeps saying, โYouโve reached your destination,โ every time it passes a reflective surface.
Q: Why did the narcissist bring a mirror to the party?
A: Because the invitation said, โCome as you are!โ
A narcissistโs photo album is like a flipbook of their life story,
with every page stuck on their favourite chapter โ their own reflection.
Q: Whatโs a narcissistโs dream job?
A: Being a professional mirror cleaner. After all, who better to keep mirrors spotless than someone obsessed with their reflection?
READ: Odd Things Narcs Say โ |
Jokes About Narcissists & SELF-ABSORPTION
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers right now!
Thereโs nothing going on, Iโm just a narcissist.
Joke For The Psychiatry World:
Q: What do you call someone who hears voices calling their name all the time?
A: A schizophrenic narcissist.
My carpenter is a narcissist.
He can be really shelf-centred.
Q: Whatโs a narcissistโs favourite part of a joke?
A: The part where they interrupt to twist it back around onto them.
My friends always say that I have narcissistic tendencies.
I should get madโฆ but I love when they talk about me.
Q: Why do narcissists like air?
A: Because itโs all about them.
Went to a new optometrist today, but he was way too narcissistic.
Donโt know what I expected from an โIโ expert.
Q: What do you call a narcissist bird of prey?
A: Eagle-centric.
My wife asked me if I thought she was a narcissistโฆ
I sighed and told her, โItโs not always about you, you know.โ
Q: Whatโs the funniest thing a narcissist knows?
A: Mememes
Yo mamaโs so narcissisticโฆ
she makes cupcakes for your class on HER birthday!
Q: You know what the best thing about being a narcissist is?
A: Me.
Everyone says Iโm narcissisticโฆ
but Iโm too busy thinking about myself to care.
Q: Have you heard of the new dating site for narcissists?
A: Itโs called meHarmony.
I was at the shops the other day, and I overheard two women talking about someone they know who has narcissistic personality disorder.
Iโm pretty sure they were talking about me.
Q: What does the narcissistic cow say?
A: โMeeeeee!โ
How do you know your keyboard is narcissistic?
All it ever types about is I.
Q: Why did the narcissist refuse to take a group photo?
A: Because they couldnโt possibly share the spotlight with anyone else!
Therapy patients are narcissists.
All they do is talk about their own problems.
Q: Why did the narcissist break up with the alphabet?
A: They said, โI donโt need โuโ โ itโs all about โme.โโ
A narcissistโs social media profile is like a refrigeratorโฆ
You know whatโs inside without even opening it, and itโs usually full of selfies.
Q: How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one. They hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.
READ: When a Narc Sees YOU Looking Good โ |
Jokes About Narcissists & ARROGANCE
Iโd feel so bad about being a narcissistโฆ
If only I wasnโt so perfect.
Anyone else here able to spell โcondescending narcissistโ correctly on the first try?
Yeah, I didnโt think so.
You can call me a narcissistโฆ
Just make sure you say my name.
My friends all say Iโm narcissistic.
I donโt know what that means, but itโs obviously a compliment.
My narcissistic friend just became an organ donorโฆ
Because โWho wouldnโt want a piece of this body?โ
My husband told me Iโm a narcissist,
which is odd because Iโve never thought of myself that way.
A narcissist is asked, โWhat is something that youโre not good at?โ
He replies, โWell, Iโm very bad at making mistakes.โ
I donโt understand why everyone keeps calling me a narcissist.
Theyโre probably just jealous because Iโm better than them.
Narcissists are like Russian dolls.
Full of themselves.
Q: What do you call a narcissist criminal walking down the stairs?
A: A condescending con descending.
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
My doctor said that my narcissistic tendencies cause me to misread social interactions.
Iโm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
The interviewer asked the narcissist, โCan you work well in a team?โ
The narcissist replied, โAbsolutely! I always bring out the best in myself.โ
READ: Letter From a Narcโs True Self โ |
Jokes About Narcissists & ENTITLEMENT
What does an angry narcissist and a rooster have in common?
- When a rooster crows, their hearing closes off so they donโt damage their hearing.
- The narcissist does the same when yelling.
A narcissist prayed to God for a bike.
But he knows God doesnโt work that way, so he stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Q: What do you call a selfish female sibling?
A: A narcissister.
โLet he who is without sin throw the first stone,โ Jesus said.
As the stones began to fly, Jesus realised he might have made a mistake by including the local narcissists.
Q: Whatโs the best way to describe a narcissistic fisherman?
A: Selfish.
A narcissist walks into a barโฆ the rest of the joke doesnโt matter.
Q: Why did the narcissist cross the road?
A: They thought it was your boundary.
Two narcissists walk into a barโฆ but not together, of course.
Q: Why did the narcissist cross the road?
A: None of your business. A narcissistโs motives are never to be questioned.
Do you know what the most infuriating thing about narcissists is?
They never think about how their actions affect me!
READ: Do Narcs Feel Shame? โ |
Jokes About Narcissists & SUPERIORITY
What does the cross between a narcissist and cheese say?
I am the GRATEST!!!
People tell me Iโm an egotistical narcissist.
I donโt know what that means. But it doesnโt matter because Iโm the smartest, handsomest, coolest guy who has ever lived!
Q: Why donโt narcissists ever run a race?
A: Because they always think theyโre already ahead.
Q: Why do narcissists never play hide and seek?
A: Because good luck hiding when the spotlight is always on you.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is goodโฆ
But only because I have it.
Q: Why do narcissists quit competitive high jumping just when they get good at it?
A: They can never get over themselves.
I tried to start an NA for narcissistsโฆ
but no one wanted to remain anonymous.
I was having an argument with my new girlfriendโฆ
- โYou are the same kind of a narcissist like all those other guys I dated, arenโt you?โ she yelled at me.
- โItโs not true. I am a much better narcissist!โ
My doctor says I have Narcissistic Personality Disorderโฆ
But thatโs impossible! As the smartest man alive, I think I would have noticed.
A vain narcissist had his face disfigured in a horrible accident.
A frenemy visited him in the hospital.
โIโm sorry to inform you,โ he said with glee, โbut youโve simply become the ugliest man Iโve ever seen. Maybe the ugliest in the entire world.โThe narcissist started crying, burying his face in his hands.
His frenemy, barely suppressing his satisfaction, patted him on the back.
โItโs ok. Life never was going to live up to your expectations. Iโm sorry.โThe narcissist looked up. โSorry? What for?โ
The frenemy was confused. โBecause youโve lost everything you valued?โ
โFool!โ The narcissist laughed.
โWhy would I despair? Everyone I meet will always pay attention to me. Iโve just become the most interesting person in the world!โ
I donโt understand why everyone keeps calling me a narcissist.
Theyโre probably just jealous because Iโm better than them.
Q: What did the narcissist say after entering the hospital ER?
A: โYou can all go home, I feel great!โ
โThank you for calling the narcissist hotlineโฆ
How can you help me today?โ
I donโt think I could ever be a narcissist.
Iโm too perfect.
Q: What do you call a narcissistic lobster?
A: Shellfish.
My therapist claims Iโm a narcissist.
But what does he know? Clearly not as much as me.
Q: What did the narcissist say to the cannibal?
A: โIโm kinda a big meal.โ
My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality.
I donโt know what that means, but it must be pretty good if Iโve got it.
Q: What is the perfect profession for narcissists?
A: Architect. Because theyโll forever be making entrances and drawing stairs.
My therapist says Iโm narcissistic.
How can someone whoโs perfect be narcissistic?
My roommate just told me Iโm a narcissist.
I said, โNo, Iโm better than that.โ
Iโm a paranoid narcissistโฆ
Iโm afraid no oneโs out to get me!
READ: How Do Narcs Act When Theyโre Sick? โ |
โถ๏ธ VIDEO: 78 Jokes About Narcissists
Head on over to check out these 21 songs about narcissists.
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