Jokes About Narcissists

93 Jokes About Narcissists

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If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a narcissist’s behaviour, you’ll know just how self-absorbed and insane they can be! The damaging effects for those surrounding the narcissist can be devastating.

However, sometimes we just need to have a good old chuckle at life because humour can be healing for the soul.

The intent of these jokes about narcissists isn’t to point fingers or make anyone feel bad, but just to lighten the load for a minute and see the humorous side of what it means to be human, in all of its variations.

Here’s a compilation of jokes about narcissists, sourced from all corners of the internet.

This post contains affiliate links, for more information, see our disclosures here.

Jokes About Narcissists

Jokes About Narcissists – VANITY

Narcissism

Q: What’s a narcissist’s favourite operating system?

A: Windows Me.

Q: What does a narcissistic owl say?

A: Me. Me. Me.

Q: What do you call a narcissistic vampire?

A: Transyl*VAIN.*

Q: Why did the narcissist bring a mirror to the party?

A: They needed someone worthy to talk to.

Q: Why do narcissists take blurry photos?

A: They can only focus on themselves

A narcissist walks into a bar and orders a drink for the handsome gent winking at him from the opposite side of the room.

The bartender looks around. “Sir, that’s a mirror.”

Q: How do you spot a narcissist in a grocery store?

A: They’ll be doing the self-checkout.

Q: What’s a narcissist’s favourite keyboard shortcut?

A: Ctrl U.

A: Why are all vampires narcissists?

Q: Because they’re incapable of self-reflection.

Q: What’s a narcissist’s favourite song?

A: ‘You’re So Vain’ because they’re convinced that the song is about them.

I think my grocery store is trying to turn me into a narcissist…
every time I go there they make me check myself out.

Q: How does a narcissist exercise?

A: By doing mirror curls – lifting themselves up with every glance.

Ever heard about the narcissistic GPS?
It keeps saying, “You’ve reached your destination” every time it passes a reflective surface.

Q: Why did the narcissist bring a mirror to the party?

A: Because the invitation said, “Come as you are!”

A narcissist’s photo album is like a flipbook of their life story,
with every page stuck on their favourite chapter – their own reflection.

Q: What’s a narcissist’s dream job?

A: Being a professional mirror cleaner. After all, who better to keep mirrors spotless than someone obsessed with their reflection?

READ: Odd Things Narcs Say

Jokes About Narcissists – SELF-ABSORPTION

Narcissist Admiration Selfie

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers right now!
There’s nothing going on, I’m just a narcissist.

Joke For The Psychiatry World:

Q: What do you call someone who hears voices calling their name all the time?

A: A schizophrenic narcissist.

My carpenter is a narcissist.
He can be really shelf centred.

Q: What’s a narcissist’s favourite part of a joke?

A: The part where they interrupt to twist it back around onto them.

My friends always say that I have narcissistic tendencies.
I should get mad… but I love when they talk about me.

Q: Why do narcissists like air?

A: Because it’s all about them.

Went to a new optometrist today, but he was way too narcissistic.
Don’t know what I expected from an ‘I’ expert.

Q: What do you call a narcissist bird of prey?

A: Eagle-centric.

My wife asked me if I thought she was a narcissist…
I sighed and told her, “It’s not always about you, you know.”

Q; What’s the funniest thing a narcissist knows?

A: Mememes

Yo mama’s so narcissistic…
she makes cupcakes for your class on her birthday!

Q: You know what the best thing about being a narcissist is?

A: Me.

Everyone says I’m narcissistic…
but I’m too busy thinking about myself to care.

Q: Have you heard of the new dating site for narcissists?

A: It’s called meHarmony.

I was at the shops the other day, and I overheard two women talking about someone they know who has narcissistic personality disorder.
I’m pretty sure they were talking about me.

Q: What does the narcissistic cow say?

A: “Meeeeee!”

How do you know your keyboard is narcissistic?
All it ever types about is I.

Q: Why did the narcissist refuse to take a group photo?

A: Because they couldn’t possibly share the spotlight with anyone else!

Therapy patients are narcissists.
All they do is talk about their own problems.

Q: Why did the narcissist break up with the alphabet?

A: They said, “I don’t need ‘u’ – it’s all about ‘me.’”

A narcissist’s social media profile is like a refrigerator…
You know what’s inside without even opening it, and it’s usually full of selfies.

Q: How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Just one. They hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.

READ: When a Narc Sees YOU Looking Good
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Jokes About Narcissists – ARROGANCE

Stop enabling a narcissist

I’d feel so bad about being a narcissist
If only I wasn’t so perfect.

Anyone else here able to spell ‘condescending narcissist’ correctly on the first try?
Yeah, I didn’t think do.

You can call me a narcissist…
Just make sure you say my name.

My friends all say I’m narcissistic.
I don’t know what that means, but it’s obviously a compliment.

My narcissistic friend just became an organ donor…
Because “Who wouldn’t want a piece of this body?”

My husband told me I’m a narcissist,
which is odd because I’ve never thought of myself that way.

A narcissist is asked, “What is something that you’re not good at?”

He replies, “Well, I’m very bad at making mistakes.”

I don’t understand why everyone keeps calling me a narcissist.
They’re probably just jealous because I’m better than them.

Narcissists are like Russian dolls.
Full of themselves.

Q: What do you call a narcissist criminal walking down the stairs?

A: A condescending con descending.

I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.

My doctor said that my narcissistic tendencies cause me to misread social interactions.
I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

The interviewer asked the narcissist, “Can you work well in a team?”

The narcissist replied, “Absolutely! I always bring out the best in myself.”

READ: Letter From a Narc’s True Self

Jokes About Narcissists – ENTITLEMENT

Narcissist, False Self, Ego, Superiority

What does an angry narcissist and a rooster have in common?

  • When a rooster crows, their hearing closes off so they don’t damage their hearing.
  • The narcissist does the same when yelling.

A narcissist prayed to God for a bike.
But he knows God doesn’t work that way, so he stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Q: What do you call a selfish female sibling?

A: A narcissister.

“Let he who is without sin throw the first stone,” Jesus said.
As the stones began to fly, Jesus realised he might have made a mistake by including the local narcissists.

Q: What‘s the best way to describe a narcissistic fisherman?

A: Selfish.

A narcissist walks into a bar… the rest of the joke doesn’t matter.

Q: Why did the narcissist cross the road?

A: They thought it was your boundary.

Two narcissists walk into a bar… but not together, of course.

Q: Why did the narcissist cross the road?

A: None of your business. A narcissist’s motives are never to be questioned.

Do you know what the most infuriating thing about narcissists is?

They never think about how their actions affect me!

READ: Do Narcs Feel Shame?

Jokes About Narcissists – SUPERIORITY

Confidence, Healthy Boundaries

What does the cross between a narcissist and cheese say?
I am the GRATEST!!!

People tell me I’m an egotistical narcissist.
I don’t know what that means. But it doesn’t matter because I’m the smartest, handsomest, coolest guy who has ever lived!

Q: Why don’t narcissists ever run a race?

A: Because they always think they’re already ahead.

Q: Why do narcissists never play hide and seek?

A: Because good luck hiding when the spotlight is always on you.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is good…
But only because I have it.

Q; Why do narcissists quit competitive high jumping just when they get good at it?

A: They can never get over themselves.

I tried to start an NA for narcissists…
but no one wanted to remain anonymous.

I was having an argument with my new girlfriend…

  • “You are the same kind of a narcissist like all those other guys I dated, aren’t you?” she yelled at me.
  • “It’s not true. I am a much better narcissist!”

My doctor says I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder…
But that’s impossible! As the smartest man alive, I think I would have noticed.

A vain narcissist had his face disfigured in a horrible accident.

A frenemy visited him in the hospital.
“I’m sorry to inform you,” he said with glee, “but you’ve simply become the ugliest man I’ve ever seen. Maybe the ugliest in the entire world.”

The narcissist started crying, burying his face in his hands.

His frenemy, barely suppressing his satisfaction, patted him on the back.
“It’s ok. Life never was going to live up to your expectations. I’m sorry.”

The narcissist looked up. “Sorry? What for?”

The frenemy was confused. “Because you’ve lost everything you valued?”

“Fool!” The narcissist laughed.
“Why would I despair? Everyone I meet will always pay attention to me. I’ve just become the most interesting person in the world!“

I don’t understand why everyone keeps calling me a narcissist.
They’re probably just jealous because I’m better than them.

Q: What did the narcissist say after entering the hospital ER?

A: “You can all go home, I feel great!”

“Thank you for calling the narcissist hotline…
How can you help me today?”

I don’t think I could ever be a narcissist.
I’m too perfect.

Q: What do you call a narcissistic lobster?

A: Shellfish.

My therapist claims I’m a narcissist.
But what does he know? Clearly not as much as me.

Q: What did the narcissist say to the cannibal?

A: “I’m kinda a big meal.”

My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality.
I don’t know what that means, but it must be pretty good if I’ve got it.

Q: What is the perfect profession for narcissists?

A: Architect. Because they’ll forever be making entrances and drawing stairs.

My therapist says I’m narcissistic.
How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?

My roommate just told me I’m a narcissist.
I said, “No, I’m better than that.”

I’m a paranoid narcissist…
I’m afraid no one’s out to get me!

READ: How Do Narcs Act When They’re Sick?

Jokes About Narcissists – MANIPULATION

Manipulation, Gaslighting

I’m not a narcissist, but if I am…
it’s probably your fault.

Q: How does a narcissist play hide and seek?

A: They convince you that they were hiding in a different spot all along.

Someone told me that I’m a narcissist today.
I told them that it’s everyone else who is the problem.

A narcissist said to his partner, “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.”

Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But narcissists can fake a whole relationship.

Q: Why don’t narcissists make good historians? 

A: Because they keep rewriting history.

I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
They’ve assured me that I’m the one who needs the group, so I’m enrolling next week. I’m so grateful for their help.

Q: Why did the narcissist buy a movie theatre?

A: They were good at projecting

Q: How do narcissists save money on their electricity bills?

A: They use gaslighting.

Q: How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None… they use gaslighting.

READ: Gaslighting Examples

Head on over to check out these 21 songs about narcissists.

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