Letter From a Narcissist’s True Self (Behind the Mask)

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You will never get any truth from a narcissist, although they do a pretty damn good job of convincing you otherwise. Many of us would love to read a truthful letter from a narcissist, however, any type of truth will never be offered.

Narcissists live in an ego-created delusion, which marks them as the centre of the universe. In their world, there is nothing that sits above them, making them the God of their fabricated reality. But in order to maintain this warped world, they need constant validation from those around them, confirming that it is in fact ‘real.’

The narcissist will defend their False Self and false reality to the end of their days, because it’s the only way they know how to function in this world. However, that doesn’t make any of their behaviour acceptable and no one is under any obligation to go along with their fantasy.

Narcissists are lost so far down their own rabbit hole of lies, they don’t even know what’s real any more.

Here’s a fabricated letter from a narcissist to give you a glimpse of who they are behind their false mask.

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Letter From a Narcissist’s True Self

Dear Victim,

When I was a young child, my experience was filled with pain that I didn’t understand. All I knew was that I felt ashamed, worthless, rejected and broken. I hated myself. I felt like there must have been something inherently wrong with me for my carer-givers to have abandoned me in the way that they did.

Yet, it didn’t feel safe for me to feel what I was feeling. I wasn’t allowed to be sensitive or emotional. I had to shut that part of myself down to survive.

“But, it wasn’t enough for me to simply dim my vulnerabilities, I had to get rid of them for good.”

I vowed that never again would I be seen as weak or sensitive. I did what I had to do in order to claim the exact opposite, which I so desperately sought.

I completely discarded my True Self, because that was the aspect within me, which was responsible for such weakness and vulnerability.

My ego became my master.

For the ego to forever protect me from my own truth, it had to create an entire false reality for me to live. In that reality I am superior, special and perfect. No longer do I have to miss out on what I desire, nor do I need to feel weak.

Yet there is nothing true or authentic about me. I am now a False Self.

“In my false reality I am the centre of the universe. I am a God.”

I traded my soul for the ability to walk through this life without a conscience, which means I can do what I want without consequence.

I have learnt over the years how to feign empathy, compassion and kindness, yet I actually do not have the capacity to feel any of those things.

“I may tell you that I love you, but the truth is, I have no ability to even experience what love is. It’s just something that I know other people crave, therefore it has become a valuable manipulation tool for me to get what I want.”

To me, love is when other people adore or idolise me. It’s never about you because in my delusional reality, everything must always be about me. I am the centre of the universe, after all.

In my world, you are merely a pawn for me to push around as I wish. I will use you for whatever I can gain, then I will discard you like yesterday’s trash. I am aware of how that kind of treatment may devastate you, it’s just that I don’t care.

You hang on to the hope that I will change or that I’m not consciously aware of what I do. The truth is, I know exactly what I’m doing and I will never change.

I’m a detached soul with no other goal in mind besides self-medicating my emptiness.

My False Self is a complete inversion of who I really am. The things that I say, do and portray are the exact opposite of the truth.

In order to protect myself from my own truth (that I am a flawed and imperfect human being), I can never accept anything that goes against my false reality.

I will project all of my horrendous and abusive behaviours onto you, because I refuse to accept them. To acknowledge and take responsibility for those things would be to admit that my entire False Self is a mask that I wear to manipulate everybody around me.

The thing is, as soon as my ego superimposes the very things that I am doing, back onto you, I now see that to be the absolute truth. You now become the abusive one who must be annihilated. My ego cannot tolerate any type of threat to its false existence, therefore it will line up those threats in its crosshairs and fire.

I will protect my False Self to my grave because living a life as that scared, weak, vulnerable little child is a fate worse than death to me.

To be able to twist the storyline of actual events into ones that suit my scripted version, I will gaslight you and abuse you until you acquiesce. This is how I manipulate everything to justify my false storyline.

Truth means nothing to me because I am anti-truth. I am a no-self who is built upon a pyramid of lies. Appearances and perceptions are what hold my precarious reality together. There is nothing authentic or truthful about me.

The problem with my false reality is that it’s not real. You see, for it to truly exist, I need to be receiving constant validation from my outside world that confirms my reality as truth as I simply cannot accept anything else.

That is why I demand uninterrupted attention (narcissistic supply) in all of its forms, because only then will my False Self remain in existence.

Whether it’s creating drama, fabricating superior appearances, being adored or receiving pity, it all serves to feed my ego and reiterate my truth – that I DO exist and that I AM special.

You see, since I cut off my True Self, I was left with a gaping black hole in its place. I didn’t account for that.

Now the only way for me to avoid being sucked into that black hole of self-loathing, resentment, despair and disgust is to keep my False Self inflated.

“I’ve basically become a drug addict who needs to be constantly pillaging the life force energy from other whole souls. Without having access to my own True Self, I can no longer access that life force energy, which I so desperately need to abate my inner black hole.“

However, any hit of supply can only ever provide temporary relief. I am essentially an energetic predator, constantly on the prowl for more.

But, I know that you’d never just hand over your life force to me if you truly knew who I was. So, I need to be a devil in disguise and present myself as a charming, caring person.

You must understand that although I may pretend to care about you, I really don’t. I don’t have the ability, nor do I have the desire to do so.

I live inside a fabricated world where I am the game master. Every other person and thing that exists in my world have all been placed there for my gain. I will use them to obtain money, resources, sex, validation, energy, status and whatever else it is that I seek in that moment.

I really don’t care if you’re my parent, child, lover, friend or boss. You are nothing more than a pawn in my game to extract supply and feed my insatiable addiction.

My full intention is to keep you on my hook forever, so that I can plug into your life force energy whenever I need a hit. The only way for you to escape my torment, abuse and energy-sucking ways is for you to cut me out of your life for good.

Although I don’t want you to walk away, it’s the only way that you will be truly free of me.

I won’t make your escape easy. I will abuse you, threaten you, guilt you, plead with you, blame you, rage at you and drag you through the mud. Because your attempt to leave me is yet another abandonment, which my inner self cannot handle.

Your rejection is proof that I’m not superior nor am I perfect, however, I utterly refuse to accept that. Therefore, I will attempt to crush you as a punishment for daring to bring that information to my attention.

I will never change because I don’t want to. I am perfect. There is nothing to change about myself. In fact if anyone needs to change it’s you!

I control you in order to control my entire false reality. It makes me feel powerful and important, like the God that I believe I am. Controlling you also means that I’ve got a secure stream of supply on hand to feed my addiction.

However, I resent you for it. I hate that I need you so much in order to survive. My biggest fear is that you’ll find out how weak and vulnerable I truly am. I cannot allow you to realise that it is I who needs you, so I invert the relationship dynamics, just like I invert everything in my life.

I belittle you, abuse you, call you names, invalidate your experiences and emotionally manipulate you in order for me to control your perception of truth. I need to strip away your self-worth and identity so that bit-by-bit you lose yourself to me.

I need you to see me as your God, so that you willingly hand your soul and life force over to me.

I use intermittent punishments and rewards to trauma bond you, so that you never realise just how much I actually require you for my own survival.

The truth is, you were always the powerful one and I the weak one. I will never be able to experience any of the light in which you encompass. I envy you for that and I hate that I envy you.

You should be the one envying me!

While you stay, you enable my behaviour, which I know your empathetic soul thinks is helpful, but it’s really not. For every person who protects me from myself and goes along with my delusion, the further away I get from ever being forced to face my truth.

But let’s face it. I don’t want to meet my truth because that would mean having to be accountable for every abusive word and action that I’ve ever acted upon.

It’s a long karmic list.

Lucky I don’t have to face any karma, since there is no God who sits above me, right?

If you eventually wise up and stop enabling my behaviour, I’ll just replace you with someone else who will. In fact, I’ve probably already got someone waiting in the wings, ready to go.

Because that’s how I roll and I like it that way.

You need to realise that you were always the strong one and use that strength to free yourself. Because, once I’ve caught you in my web, I will never willingly let you go.

You can’t afford to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for me, because I will weaponise your empathy and use it against you every time.

Rise above me and heal the wounds that I ripped open within you. Go and experience all of the love, joy and wholeness, which I could only ever dream about, since I amputated my own humanness long ago.

Sincerely,

~ The Narcissist who will suck you dry and leave you for dead

READ: Closure Letter to a Narcissist →

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

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