If you have a narcissist in your life or have been lucky enough to have moved on from one, you’ll know how much of a rollercoaster ride their emotions and reactions can be.
The crux of narcissism is that of superiority and complete self-involvement. Narcissists genuinely believe that they sit above everybody else and are therefore always entitled to more than everyone else.
Their arrogance is particularly evident when a narcissist sees you looking good. So, what can you expect if you find yourself in this situation? Get ready for a showering of manipulations, because they will not like it one little bit.
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Does the Narcissist Care When They See You Looking Good?
You can bet your life savings that the narcissist will care when they see you looking good.
You see, due to some sort of childhood trauma, the narcissist was left with incredibly deep feelings of shame, unworthiness and self-loathing. To them, those feelings made them far too vulnerable, so they unconsciously said, “No! I absolutely refuse to feel these things!”
In short, they permanently disowned the part of themselves that was responsible for them having to feel their deep wounds, which was their True Self (or authentic self). The abandonment of their True Self was so severe that nothing but an empty black hole has been left in its place.
Now, in order to fill that black hole, the ego has taken over and created a False Self to abate their inner emptiness. The problem with this strategy is that, as the name suggests, the False Self is fake. There’s nothing real or tangible about it. However, the narcissist now needs the False Self for their psychological survival, because without it, they’re left with the black hole of despair.
So, for the False Self to remain in control, it needs constant validation from the outside world mirroring back to it that it is in fact ‘real.’
- The True Self was the authentic part of the narcissist, allowing them to feel empathy, love and compassion
- The False Self is a no-self, which can only operate through greed, manipulation and power.
In order for the False Self to receive this validation, it has created an entirely made-up reality whereby they the centre of the universe, in which everything revolves. On top of that, they are a flawless human being who is perfect and superior to all other human beings.
For the narcissist to survive they had a split in their psyche causing them to permanently live in a fantasy, which is a complete inversion of the truth.
Their whole lives have been built inside their own fantasy realm where they are the God and everyone and everything else is merely a tool to grant them what they want.
The only way for the narcissist to survive the rest of their life now is to seek constant validation from the outside world that their fantasy reality is real. The narcissist must uphold this lie in which they live at all costs, otherwise, their entire house of cards will fall and they’ll be left with nothing but that wounded little child, whom they absolutely despise. That is a fate worse than death to the narcissist.
So, when a narcissist sees you looking good, it will trigger a narcissistic injury in them, reminding them (for a split second) of their inner wounds, which they’ve worked so hard to disown.
When a narcissist is shown any evidence that they are not perfect, God-like and superior, they simply cannot accept that truth.
They will project their shortcomings back onto you and will now actually see you as the one who’s doing the very things that they are doing. Not only that, since you were the one to have brought their flaws to their attention (even if unintentionally), you must be annihilated in order for them to annihilate the flaw itself.
The only reality the narcissist can accept is that they are:
- Perfect
- A God
- Superior to all other beings
- Entitled to all of the success, riches & attention
So, for the above things to remain real in the narcissist’s fantasy world, they must always win. This is the only way for them to receive the attention they desperately need, plus it reinforces their superiority complex.
The narcissist will manipulate and control everyone and everything around them so that the cookie always crumbles the way they need it to, which validates their false reality.
I hope this helps you to understand why, when a narcissist sees you looking good, they simply cannot have it, because it actively dishes up evidence against their delusional reality.
They must be the best-looking and most successful person, not you! Now you must be punished for it.
When a Narcissist Sees You Looking Good
They’ll Become Envious
Like a knee-jerk reaction, the narcissist will become envious when they see you looking good.
In their fantasy reality, they are supposed to look the best, whether in appearance, success at work or anything else that makes them feel on top.
The narcissist’s arrogance has them believing that not only are they superior in every way but they also think that your happiness can only be as a result of them somehow. So, for the narcissist to see you looking good without it being a by-product of them will cause a massive narcissistic injury.
This just proves to them that they are not a fundamental part of you looking good, which is a massive blow to their ego. However, the ego cannot accept this information, so they will reject it and act out towards you instead.
They’ll Try to Make You Jealous
Since the narcissist feels jealous of you, they will want to do something to flip the script and make you jealous of them instead. After all, how dare you make them feel this way?
“You should be feeling jealous of me, not the other way around.”
To reinforce the narcissist’s fantasy that they are the most superior and sit above all others, they need to fabricate situations so that the outside world can give them that very feedback.
Examples of things narcissists will say (especially online) to try and evoke jealousy:
- “I just closed a deal that’s going to make me a fortune. I always knew I’d reach this level of success.”
- “My promotion came through. They couldn’t ignore my skills and dedication.”
- “Check out my new car, imported, top of the line. It drives like a dream.”
- “Just spent the weekend at my beach house. Ahh, it’s so nice to escape from the chaos.”
- “I was at this party on the weekend with [high-profile person] and we had the most fascinating conversation.”
- “I’m so lucky to have found my new partner, we’re amazing together. Finally, I’m getting all the things I’ve always deserved.”
Once the narcissist feels like they’re making you jealous, they will begin to feel better. Just the thought of you being envious of them will feed them narcissistic supply as they imagine all the attention you’re directing towards them.
An even larger hit of supply will be fed to them if they gain evidence that they have indeed made you jealous. Whether it be something you say on social media or they may get word through a mutual acquaintance.
The best thing you can do here is not give them any attention. Being irrelevant is like a fate worse than death to a narcissist.
They’ll Feel Threatened
By this point, if the narcissist can see that you’re looking exceptionally well, they will be feeling extremely threatened.
Their whole house of cards is built on being able to control those around them to extract attention, which validates their ego that they are as amazing as they think they are.
Seeing you rise above and beyond them means that their control over you is slipping (or has completely gone). They will feel extremely threatened because now they will have no way to keep you below them, feeding them supply.
Plus, it will now be harder to control what you tell other people about them. They cannot risk having others find out the truth, that they are not perfect and superior.
They’ll Compete With You
When a narcissist sees you looking good and there’s nothing they can do about it, they’ll compete with you in order to come out on top.
In fact, everything is a competition with a narcissist. For them to consistently remain in a superior position, they must always be winning, resulting in everyone else being losers.
You will know that the narcissist is trying to outdo you if they keep copying what you’re doing but in a ‘one-up’ kind of way.
Examples of narcissists competing:
- If you upgrade your car, they’ll go buy one that’s newer or fancier.
- If you get some new earrings, they’ll get a $5,000 gold chain.
- If you make some home improvements, they’ll go get a new house in a better suburb.
- If you get a new job or promotion, they’ll buy an entire business.
Notice that many of the things narcissists do to compete with others can be expensive. Since narcissists only care about getting the supply they need now, they won’t care if they go into debt to better you, as long as they get their hit.
Narcissists who are not wealthy or particularly good with money can even get themselves into financial trouble with their constant chasing of supply. In not uncommon for those types to have debt collectors at their door because of bad financial decisions, which they don’t end up wanting to pay off. After all, once they’ve got their initial hit, there’s nothing in it for them to continue paying out the debt.
| READ: Narcissists & Money → |
They’ll Invalidate You
Narcissists are the quintessential schoolyard bully. The only way they know how to elevate themselves is to pull anyone down who dares to rise above them.
If there’s one thing a narcissist is good at, it’s locating your deepest insecurities and ripping them open. Since the narcissist has nothing to authentically rise above you with, they will hit you where it hurts instead.
They will make cruel comments to devalue you and attack your self-worth. This tactic works to trigger your wounding, which makes the narcissist feel extremely powerful and in turn, feeds them narcissistic supply.
“I must be incredibly powerful to evoke such a strong emotion from them.”
They’ll Criticise You
The biggest thing that the narcissist will be thinking, when they see you looking good, is, “How dare you!”
The narcissist views everything in their world as an extension or reflection of themselves. So, seeing you looking good will immediately reflect back to them that they are not looking good.
From there, the narcissist’s deep inner feelings of shame and unworthiness will be triggered, which they simply refuse to accept about themselves. Therefore, to disown those feelings, they must project them onto you, so that you can carry them instead.
This is why hurtful criticism can so easily spew out of the narcissist’s mouth without a scrap of remorse for how that makes you feel.
In essence, they need you to carry the burdens they refuse to acknowledge exist within themselves.
| READ: Do Narcs Feel Guilt or Remorse? → |
They’ll Claim the Credit
Yep, narcissists genuinely think that due to their amazing, God-like status, anything good that comes your way is simply because of them.
Their self-centredness is so extreme that they couldn’t possibly fathom a reality where good things happen to other people due to their own merit.
So, when the narcissist sees you looking good, they’ll do whatever they can to claim the credit for it.
Examples of the narcissist claiming the credit for you looking good:
- “She only looks that fit because I encouraged her to work out for the past year.”
- “They wouldn’t have that house at all if it wasn’t for me supporting them.”
- “I always told him he should get that car, I’m glad he finally listened to me.”
- “It’s because of me that they got that promotion at work.”
The narcissist’s ego cannot stand the idea of you succeeding in any way without it being because of them. That would only serve to prove that they are not actually as special and influential as they believe themselves to be.
So, to get the attention back onto themselves, they will make comments about how your success is down to them.
They’ll Smear You
For the narcissist’s false reality to remain real for them, they need to be constantly controlling the people around them, so that it all fits with their agenda.
When a narcissist sees you looking good, this goes directly against their version of reality whereby they are the most amazing ones.
So, to regain control and twist the plot back around to what they need it to be, they’ll rewrite the script. This is where the narcissist will smear your name to anyone who will listen because they need people to view you as being less than them.
They will create lies, gossip, spread rumours and whisper things into the ears of their flying monkeys, all to bring you down so that you stop looking so damn good.
| READ: What Are Flying Monkeys? → |
They’ll Try to Get You Back
When a narcissist sees you looking good, they will feel entitled to your success and whatever has come from it. After all, you wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for them.
The narcissist might try to hook you back into their world, not because they love or miss you, but because they see an abundance of life force energy that they want to steal from you.
The narcissist will say that they’ve changed or turn on the charm, completely ignoring the horrid way they’ve treated you in the past.
If you fall for their trickery, they will use you up, suck you dry of all the resources they believe should be theirs and then discard you even harder than before.
That additional discard will be all the more gratifying for the narcissist than the last one because they will feel that they have extreme power over you. Don’t fall for it!
They’ll Bait You
When a narcissist sees you looking good, they know that their power over you has slipped and they will do anything to regain that position of control.
The narcissist will say utterly cruel things that will cut so deep because they want you to retaliate or feel the need to defend yourself.
This works to destabilise your new position of success and can very quickly make you look really bad in the public eye. If the narcissist’s baiting works, they’ll kick back and watch your downfall with a smug look on their face because they know they’ve still got it. They can still manipulate your emotions for their own agenda.
They’ll Play the Victim
If the narcissist sees you looking good and they can’t immediately find a way to bring you down, they will slip into victim mode. Playing the victim is the quickest way for the narcissist to get people’s attention onto themselves.
By pulling at people’s heartstrings, they can easily use their empathy and compassion against them. Having people feel sorry for them is a surefire way for the narcissist to energetically plug into others and have access to a good stream of life force energy.
Another benefit of this tactic is that it can be harder for people to feel pleased about your successes when the ‘poor narcissist’ is going through such a tough time.
You can just see the smirk spreading across their face when they think no one but you is looking!
They’ll Dismiss You
The number one thing that pains a narcissist the most is being rendered irrelevant.
Given that their whole delusional reality is based around them being the most superior and perfect person, being made redundant is an absolute dismissal of their truth.
Since the narcissist’s biggest foe is irrelevance, they might turn around and dish out that very behaviour towards you, thinking that they’re doing the most painful thing imaginable.
For a person with a healthy view of themselves, having someone who’s been horrendously cruel dismiss them is actually not nearly as painful as the narcissist hopes for.
In fact, when you’ve been abused by a narcissist, having them bugger off to let you heal and rise is sweet relief.
▶️ VIDEO: When a Narcissist Sees You Looking Good!
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