One of the heaviest marks of narcissism is control. Narcissists impulsively feel that they must control not only the world around them, but also the characters who are in it. Being in control of everyone and everything inflates their ego, secures their supply and further validates their belief that they are superior.
Unfortunately for the narcissist, many people don’t like to be controlled. They can manipulate and play their games for a while, but when their controlled victim finally gets to the point where they cannot take any more, things begin to unravel in a big way.
So, what reactions can we expect will happen when a narcissist loses control of you or the situation? You can guarantee that they will up their anti when it comes to gaslighting, rage, coercion and many other manipulation tactics.
Narcissists are not known for backing down and conceding defeat. They will just play harder and dirtier than the opponent until they win or the opponent exits the game.
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Why Do Narcissists Need to Control?
To see why narcissists are so controlling, it’s important to understand who they really are beneath their charade.
Due to childhood trauma, the narcissist was made to feel utterly worthless, rejected and filled with shame. Interestingly, shame is the lowest vibration we can feel as a human being, which is fuelled by secrecy.
As a result of those deep, uncomfortable feelings from their inner wounding, the narcissist unconsciously decided early on that they did not want to feel those things at any cost.
In order for the narcissist to avoid their traumas, they actually severed the connection to their true, authentic self. You see, it was the existence of their True Self, which was making them have to feel all of their feels. So, by disowning that part of themselves, they were then able to go through life without the inconvenience (in their view) of having to experience the deep human emotions, which made them feel vulnerable and weak.
When the narcissist discarded their True Self, they eliminated the ability to experience empathy, compassion, kindness and genuine love ever again.
With the absence of their True Self, they are now solely left with their ego running the show, which is nothing but a False Self or a ‘no self.’
Their ego is now their master and it’s not a kind one.
The ego represents the lower, survival-type aspects of the human experience. Things such as competition, manipulation, coercion, control, greed and power are all part of the ego’s playbook.
But here’s a big piece of the puzzle – for the ego to survive and remain in existence, it needs to be fed. The ego needs attention and admiration to be constantly validating that it is superior, special and powerful. This is what we know as narcissistic supply, which is actually life force energy.
| READ: Narcissist Supply Explained → |
So, what happens if the narcissist can’t get enough supply and the ego begins to diminish?
What remains inside of the narcissist is a big gaping black hole where their True Self used to exist. Within this great void sits the most devastating feelings of self-disgust, self-loathing and complete and utter unworthiness. If the narcissist lacks in supply, they will start to feel themselves slipping down into that place and will literally do anything to avoid going there.
The most effective way for the narcissist to avoid who they truly are, is to control and manipulate others in order to secure as much narcissistic supply as possible. They are like a drug addict who is constantly lining up their next hit.
For a narcissist, being left with themselves is a fate worse than death.
To counteract the bottomless pit of shame, self-loathing and worthlessness, the narcissist’s ego has severely over-compensated by creating a false facade, which is what they present to the world as ‘themselves.’
The underlying theme of the False Self is one of superiority. The warped reality that the ego has created means that the narcissist truly believes they’re a God-like being. They perceive the entire world as revolving around themselves and that they are accountable to no one, as they don’t think there is anyone or anything above them.
They believe, due to their entitlement and superiority, that they should be worshipped and idolised, while everyone else is a mere prop to be used and abused as they see fit.
Hopefully, this perspective of narcissism helps towards your understanding as to why when a narcissist loses control, they will do anything to try and regain it.
How Do Narcissists Control You?
To understand what happens when a narcissist loses control, it’s important to understand the workings of how they underhandedly have power over people in the first place.
Narcissists employ multiple manipulation tactics to overtly and covertly control the people in their lives. Many of the tactics discussed here can be so subtle that you don’t even realise they’re happening when you’re in the thick of it.
Being in a narcissistically abusive relationship is like being stuck in a fog that you cannot see your way out of. The clarity and understanding usually comes on the flip-side of the relationship, which can often cause a huge amount of shock, anger and sadness.
Let’s have a look at how narcissists subtly and intentionally gain control over people.
Projection
A massive part of narcissists not taking responsibility is by projecting the things that they are doing, right back onto you.
Have you ever been in a discussion or argument with a narcissist when they yell…
- “Stop screaming at me!”
- “God, it’s always about you, isn’t it.”
- “I know you’re cheating on me.”
- “You never listen to a word I say.”
Your reaction is to stand there completely gobsmacked because they’ve literally just blamed you for the very things that they are doing. You try to defend yourself and reason with them, but nothing works. They just dig in more firmly with their accusations as the conversation spirals out of control.
Here’s what’s really going on when a narcissist projects and shifts the blame onto you.
You’ve either called them out on their behaviour or something has triggered a narcissistic injury (deep wound) within them. Their ego is so ridiculously fragile that it knows it needs to protect itself at all costs, otherwise the whole facade will unravel and the truth with be exposed.
Immediately, the ego says to itself, “This is not my fault because I’m perfect in every way. This is all your fault and you must be exterminated.”
In the narcissist’s warped perspective, they superimpose the very pain that they’re feeling onto you. Now the ego sees you as the cause of the pain/ problem. The ego wants to extinguish the pain/ problem as quickly as it can, so that it can go back to feeling superior, therefore the ego lines you up and attacks. You must be taken down so as not to be a threat to the ego anymore because you got way too close to revealing the truth.
The narcissist will control you through their projections as over time your whole reality begins to become very shaky. As your partner, who’s supposed to love and care for you, continues to call you out and blame you for things, it’s only natural for an empathetic person to want to look at themselves and see where they need to be accountable.
You end up subconsciously taking responsibility for the narcissist’s behaviour, as they continue to dump it onto you time and time again.
| READ: 9 Blame-shifting Tactics → |
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is an insidious form of psychological manipulation, which narcissists use on the regular. Their mission is to gain control over you by slowly altering and diminishing your sense of reality in a very subtle way.
They want you doubting your own sense of self, ability to make decisions and even your own memories and perspectives. This way they get you to hand your power over to them, whereby making themselves the controller of your very thoughts and experiences.
How Do Narcissists Gaslight?
- Countering – opposing details of things that have happened, making you question your own memory.
→ “You know I never said that.” - Denying – denying that entire conversations, events and details ever happened, making out that you’re a liar.
→ “This is the first time I’m hearing about it.” - Withholding – withholding conversation, love, affection and attention as a form of punishment.
→ “I don’t have time for this.” - Invalidating – belittling, disrespecting and downplaying your feelings, concerns and experiences.
→ “It was just a joke, god. Stop making such a big deal out of everything.” - Diverting – flipping the storyline or blame onto you or someone else to avoid accountability.
→ “You’re the one with the problem here, not me. You need to communicate better.” - Generalising – throwing out blanket statements to invalidate and shift the blame.
→ “All you women are the same!”
| READ: 100+ Gaslighting Examples → |
Word Salad
Narcissists love to engage their victims in confusing word salads. Have you ever started off asking a narcissist a simple question, only to find yourself in an argument, ten topics down the line?
That’s because the narcissist has taken you down a word salad rabbit hole, where there is no exit tunnel. They switch topics at every turn and before you know it, you’re left trying to explain and defend yourself against things that you’re sure you’ve never even done in the first place.
They’ll be accusing you of all sorts of things (quite often the very things that they are doing) and you’ll be desperately trying to convince them that you would never hurt them like that or say/ do those things!
Word salad can look a bit like this:
You: “What would you like for dinner?”
Narc: “Bloody hell, you’re always at me, aren’t you?!”
You: “Umm.. I just asked what you want for dinner.”
Narc: “Why do I have to make all the decisions? I literally do everything around here. I work my ass off every day for this family and what do you all do? Nothing! Sit around, doing nothing.”
You: “What do you mean I do nothing? I do all the washing, cooking, cleaning, running around after the kids. I work hard too.”
Narc: “Yeah, but who earns the money? Me! I’m not saying you don’t do anything, but a bit of cooking and washing isn’t the same as hard labour all day every day.”
You: “I get it, you work a very physically demanding job. But I’m trying my hardest here to make the evenings easy for you when you get home. What more can I do?”
Narc: “A bit of thanks once in a while would be nice. And you could show a bit more appreciation in the bedroom to your hard-working husband.”
And on and on it goes! Can you even remember what the original discussion was about?
Notice how the narcissist can use the most innocent of conversations to make you feel insecure, worthless, invalidated and to really drive home that you’re never enough. They’re forever moving the benchmark, making you feel like you constantly need to be doing more and working harder all in the hopes of receiving some kind of love, validation and approval from them.
Spoiler alert – you will never receive any of those things from a narcissist, no matter what you do. You’ll just end up running yourself into the ground, then they’ll swap you out for another supply who’s not yet depleted.
Devaluing
A big part of the narcissistic abuse cycle is devaluation.
This is where the narcissist belittles you, calls you names and completely invalidates your feelings and experiences. They want to reiterate that you are worthless, your experiences mean nothing and your feelings are a mere inconvenience.
When the narcissist punishes you, rejects you or rages at you, completely out of the blue, it leaves you feeling extremely anxious and unstable.
You’re left thinking, “What have I done? Maybe if I had have done this differently or said that differently, they wouldn’t have reacted that way.”
Devaluing works to erode your self-worth, meaning that you’ll feel so worthless, you won’t even bother trying to leave the narcissist. They feel secure knowing that you won’t abandon them and will continue to be a subservient supply of energy, sex, money, accommodation etc. for them.
| READ: Full Cycle of Narc Abuse → |
Trauma Bonding
The process of trauma bonding is where the narcissist’s victim ends up feeling incredibly loyal and even addicted to the very person who’s abusing them. The narcissist creates a dynamic in the victim where they feel as though the narc is their complete source of validation, security, approval and survival.
A trauma bond is created through a technique of intermittent reinforcement. It’s basically a pattern of cruel mistreatment, mixed with random moments of kindness. Over time, the breadcrumbs of kindness are enough for the victim to think, “Oh, they do actually care about me,” and thereby rationalise all of the cruelty.
How trauma bonding occurs:
- The narcissist withholds attention/ affection and punishes their victim in various ways (silent treatment, invalidation, disappearing, gaslighting, blaming etc.).
- The narcissist delivers rewards at very random times (gifts, generosity, affection, flattery etc.).
- The irregular pattern of rewards keeps the victim in a state of always wanting to please and ‘do the right thing’ in the hope of receiving the validation and love that they’re so desperately craving and not getting.
Every time the narcissist hands over a ‘reward,’ the victim values it much higher than they should, all because they feel so happy to have received anything at all. Their body releases some of the ‘feel good’ chemicals (serotonin, dopamine etc.), which gives them a rush of, “Ahhh, thank god everything’s okay again!”
You can see how the victim’s body has actually become chemically addicted to needing the narcissist to deliver them with their ‘rewards’ in order to feel okay.
The most sickening part of this whole pattern is that it’s the narcissist’s abuse which is making the victim feel so incredibly beaten down in the first place. However, when you are trauma bonded to someone abusive, you can’t make head nor tails of the situation, you’re literally just in survival mode.
| READ: 7 Stages of a Trauma Bond → |
Raging
Another way narcissist are able to control people is through their narcissistic rages, which can come from nowhere.
When you’re around someone (especially living with someone) who is known to go from 0-100 in less than a second, you tend to live your life on egg shells. You’ll do whatever you can to make sure that that person’s needs are met and that they’re as comfortable as can be, all in the hopes of avoiding the ticking time bomb.
It’s like living life on a mine field with hidden explosives anywhere and everywhere. Any wrong move on your part, even if you’re not sure why the move was wrong, can cause a rage to ensue.
Narcissistic rages are often caused by a deep inner trauma being triggered within the narcissist. However the narcissist does not want to feel those things, so they push all of their emotions outward in a big ball of anger. And now it’s all your fault!
Future Faking
One of the most disappointing aspects of being with a narcissist is the future faking. This is where they will promise you all sorts of things in order to get you to stay or to hand over whatever it is that they want in the moment.
The narcissist has no intention of following through with their promises, it’s all about telling you what you want to hear in order to push through your boundaries.
- Always wanted a baby? They’ll promise you five of them!
- Have a passion for travel? They’ll promise you trips around the world!
- Sick of having a 40-year-old bathroom? They’ll promise you a full renovation!
When a narcissist future fakes, it shows that they do really know what you want, but they have no desire to give it to you. They’ll keep you in a place of hoping and happily string you along, but the real control is in them not giving it to you.
People will stick around for months, years and even decades all based on a whisper of a hope.
| READ: 72 Things Narcs Say → |
Baiting
Narcissists absolutely love getting reactions of out people, it feeds them with so much supply!
My narc ex used to literally poke me, prod me and invalidate me until I snapped. Then he’d pull the kids in on his side and say, “Mum’s gone crazy kids. She doesn’t even know how to take a joke.” I’d end up with the whole family laughing at me, while I’m left thinking, “Why the hell does he do this to me?”
But narcissist baiting can come in many forms and can be physical and/ or verbal. They will intentionally provoke you, using whichever tactics they know will trigger you the deepest.
The narcissist wants to induce a big emotional reaction in you for two reasons:
- Your huge emotions hand over Grade A narcissistic supply (life force energy) to them
- You hand them ‘proof,’ which they can use to further their storyline that you’re the crazy and unstable one
Narcissists learnt very early on what your deepest hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities are. In fact, that was part of the purpose of the love bombing phase. They worked to gain your trust, so that you would hand over your most personal information.
The narcissist will actively use that information against you for the rest of your relationship together and beyond. The best form of defence is to learn how to not offer them any reaction at all when they bait you, rendering them powerless.
Triangulation
The manipulative art of triangulation is all about bringing in third parties to back up the narcissist’s agenda and to further your own anxieties.
They may keep their ex around to make you feel jealous and insecure about your own relationship with them. This makes them feel very powerful and gives them another trigger to control you with.
When the narcissist is arguing with you, they might throw in, “See, even my boss/ Mum/ mutual friend [insert any name] thinks you’re crazy!” Whether or not they’ve fabricated this information, or they really have been talking about you is irrelevant. The aim is to make you feel like everyone is ‘anti’ you and ‘pro’ the narcissist.
The narcissist could very well be spreading false rumours about you to others, which serves to strengthen their own false storyline. They are setting the stage so that if you do ever speak out the truth about them, people are already predisposed to thinking that you’re unhinged, while the narcissist is sane and rational. In fact, they’ve probably set the story so that if you do try to talk to anyone about it, your words actually positively enhance their story, so you end up making things worse for yourself.
Triangulation can also involve using flying monkeys to do the bidding for the narcissist, which keeps their own public image clean, while still intentionally hurting you.
They may use mutual friends to spy on you and take information back to them. Or, they could get people to publicly harass and shame you based on the narc’s twisted truths. This can be especially hurtful when the narcissist turns your own friends and family against you.
| READ: Do Flying Monkeys See the Truth? → |
What Happens When a Narcissist Loses Control?
So, now that you’re fully aware of how a narcissist controls those closest to them, let’s look at what happens when a narcissist loses control.
When you start cottoning on to them and wising up to their manipulative behaviours, their narrative starts to crumble. Bit by bit their default control mechanisms begin to lose effect as the fog that they’ve had you in lifts.
Ultimately, what underlies all of the narcissist’s reactions to losing control is rejection. The ego cannot handle rejection in any shape or form because it has built an entire character around a perceived perfection. The narcissist believes that they are a God to be revered and worshipped, so how dare you reject them!
You must be punished!
Here’s how a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you anymore.
Play the Victim
One of the first tactics enacted when a narcissist loses control is the victim card.
If you say that you’re leaving them, they’ll play on your empathy to guilt you into staying, which is nothing short of emotional blackmail. Just to be clear, if you do decide to stay, the narcissist will turn up their abuse to punish you for even thinking about escaping them.
If the narcissist has completely lost control of you, they will flip the script and make out that they are the poor casualty at your tyrannical hands. They will claim that you are abusive, you’re the one who cheated on them and you’re the liar.
Interestingly, this is where you will be accused of all the things that they’ve actually done to you. And the more people they can spruik their fabricated storyline to, the better.
By the time you have a chance to talk to anyone, it just sounds like you’re trying to get revenge on them by accusing them right back. Unfortunately, this tactic works remarkably well and the narcissist knows it.
| READ: 3 Reasons a Narcissist Will Cry → |
Try to Hoover You
When a narcissist loses control, they will literally try anything to get you back into their abuse cycle. If there is energetic supply left for their taking, they will not accept you leaving them.
Hoovering you back in will take you right back to the love bombing days where the narcissist appeared so caring, charming and generous. The difference is, the narc knows your every wound and secret this time around, so they will know exactly how to (try) get you to stay with them.
Just to be clear, they don’t want you to stay because they genuinely care about you. No, they want you to stay so that they can continue to abuse you.
How a Narcissist Will Attempt to Hoover You:
- Send a seemingly random message
- Pretend to be remorseful
- Offer false promises
- Go about things as if nothing has even happened
- Use important dates to contact you
- Offer you gifts or money
- Profess their undying love for you (please pass the spew bucket)
- Desperately need your help
- Accuse you to get you engaging with them
- Start love bombing all over again
| READ: Common Hoover Tactics → |
Insert Themselves into Your Life
If the narcissist knows they’re losing control of you, they might do something really drastic to permanently insert themselves in your life so that you can’t escape.
They might convince you to go into joint debt with them, so that they’re further enmeshed in your life. Leaving someone you share a mortgage or $40,000 personal loan with is much harder than when your finances are clearly separate.
For a female narcissist, they may ‘accidentally’ fall pregnant, meaning you’ll be tied together forever from this point forward. If you leave them now, you’ll be publicly dragged through the mud as the terrible partner who abandoned them. Get ready to have to fight tooth and nail to be a part of your child’s life if you don’t stay with the narcissist and abide by their agenda.
Another tactic is to completely control your finances in such a way that makes your survival without the narcissist near impossible. They may control the purse strings and cut off your access to the money or even go as far as to clear out all of the bank accounts and blackmail you into staying so that you’re not financially ruined.
Narcissists do not have a conscience and will stop at nothing to ruin you and get what they want.
Silent Treatment
Prepare for a childish silent treatment when a narcissist loses control. They will withhold all communication from you, effectively stonewalling any ability for you to express yourself to them.
For a narcissist, silent treatment is a punishment for behaviour that does not serve their agenda. They are hoping to regain control over you by making you feel totally insecure from them cutting you out.
Since they believe that they are above you, they expect you to come grovelling back to them with apologies. On the other side of the silent treatment, should you wish to engage, they will increase their abuse towards you as further punishment for showing any assertion towards them.
| READ: 8 Reasons a Narc Ignores You → |
Narcissistic Rage
Interestingly, having a narcissist fly into a rage is on both the ‘how do they control you’ list and the ‘what do they do when they lose control’ list.
Narcissists are angry creatures and that anger is never too far underneath all of their shiny jewellery, fancy cars and fake facades.
Ultimately, the narcissist thinks they are entitled to you all day long. In their warped world, they are a God, which means there is no one above them. They answer to no one, therefore all other people in their lives are merely props for them to use and abuse as they see fit.
If the narcissist loses control over you they will get extremely angry and fly into the biggest adult tantrum you’ve ever seen in your life. I always find it disconcerting to see the narcissist’s eyes turn jet black when they fly into a rage.
It’s the ultimate show of who they truly are beneath their mask when they cannot control themselves.
A narcissistic rage is a scary thing to witness and really is enough to get people wanting to appease the narcissist out of pure fear.
I like to think of a narc rage like a boggart from Harry Potter. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, a boggart is a shape-shifting creature who takes on the body of your deepest fear. It can appear terrifying, but the way to beat a boggart is to imagine them as something so hilarious that you literally cannot stop laughing at their ridiculousness.
The same analogy can be applied to many of the narcissist’s tactics, which eliminates your fear and renders them powerless.
Publicly Smear You
The whole facade of the narcissist is built on their exterior image. Deep inside they are a ‘no self’ with no authentic character, so they’ve created a whole world around their false image.
When a narcissist loses control of you, you now become public enemy number one. Your very existence poses such a threat to the takedown of the narcissist’s false self that they must annihilate you before you have a chance to annihilate them.
What better way to ruin you in every area of your life than to publicly smear your good name and even humiliate you?
A smear campaign offers the perfect chance for the narc to completely rewrite history and extensively spread the storyline that exactly supports their warped agenda.
The narcissist cannot be to blame for anything, nor can they ever be wrong, therefore they must paint the picture whereby you are the most horrendous person on earth and they are the amazing one.
Stalk You
As we’ve covered, narcissist’s only have the capacity to see you as an object for them to use to get what they want. Whether it be money, sex, acclaim, material items… it really doesn’t matter.
In the narcissist’s insane reality, if they’ve owned you once, they own you forever.
This can be particularly scary if you’re dealing with a narcissist who will just not accept that you’ve cut them out. They may drive by your house to check up on who’s visiting or even follow you around to see where you go. They’ll almost always stalk you online to keep tabs on your life, because they feel totally entitled to do so.
The biggest advice I can give is to block all forms of communication with the narcissist and if you suspect they’re stalking you, do not hesitate to talk to the authorities. This issue, particularly with women, are being taken a lot more seriously these days.
Try to Make You Jealous
To the narcissist, they are the most important and most revered being on the planet. Therefore, they think that all their milkshakes bring the peeps to the yard, not yours.
Isn’t it incredible how little substance a narcissist has to offer and how they directly rely on sucking the energy out of others to be able to sustain themselves… yet they think they’re the superior one? It’s mental!
The narcissist may go to great lengths to try and make you feel so jealous that you’ll come swooning back for more.
They can do this by showcasing what a great time they’re having via social media or they may even rub other people in your face to make you feel jealous. They’ll get a new haircut, splash out on expensive clothes and take dates to fancy restaurants – all in your view shot.
But you know that all of those exterior things mean nothing. They are still a cruel, conscienceless soul beneath it all.
And speaking of jealousy. Since the narc thinks that you’re their toy, whether or not you’re still together, they will get extremely jealous if mutual friends hang out with you and not them. In their eyes, those friends should be siding with them, not you (because it’s always about winning). Plus, how dare those friends play with their toy without asking! Narcissists have the emotional range of a 5-year-old, so yeah… they don’t like to share.
Discard You First
When a narcissist loses control and they know there’s no possible chance of hooking you back into their web, they’ll discard you first. They will want people to think that the whole ending of the relationship (of any type) was in fact their idea.
If they can’t control you, they’ll control the discard and the storyline that goes with it.
They might completely cut you out, taking the power dynamic back into their hands. Or they might discard you, yet keep you stringing along as a future supply prospect.
The narcissist’s agenda is always to use up people within an inch of their life, then discard them in place of fresh new supply. As far as the narc is concerned, you do not get to have the privilege of discarding them first. How dare you!
Even if you do discard the narcissist first, they will hoover you back in purely to punish you, then cruelly discard you themselves. It’s all about regaining the upper hand for them.
Replace You with New Supply
Above all else, the narcissist needs to be energetically feeding off at least one person at all times in order to keep their False Self afloat.
When a narcissist loses control of you, it’s a safe bet to know that they’ll replace you with new supply before you’ve had time to scratch yourself. That’s if they didn’t already have some secondary supply already waiting in the wings.
It doesn’t matter if you never want to touch the narc again, even if they were the last person on Earth and the continuation of the human race depended on it… seeing them move on to new supply can be heart wrenching.
You’re left shaken to your core, trying to process the mind wreck of a relationship you’ve just exited. You’re trying to accept that it actually was an abusive relationship, but you were too trauma bonded and manipulated to have seen it. You feel so broken as you think about how you gave your entire heart and soul to this person who never truly loved you.
And here they are, seconds later walking hand-in-hand down the beach with a younger, bouncier version of yourself.
But remember this my friend, you are the one who’s finally free. The narcissist has to live with their empty void of a soul every single day and the new supply is in for an even more cunning version of the person you once thought you knew.
How to Take Your Power Back
As much as I’m sure you’d love to hear that taking your power back is all about exposing the narcissist so that everyone can see the truth, unfortunately that’s not it at all. If you dare to try and unmask the narc, you’ll actually just allow yourself to be further lined up for more abuse.
You see during the love bombing phase and then throughout the relationship, the narcissist was constantly collecting data on you. All of those times that you thought they were genuinely listening to you pour your heart out, well you were correct. They were listening all right, but not to validate you or offer any type of support. They were actually gathering up all of your hopes, dreams, desires, fears and insecurities and storing them carefully away to be used against you at a later date.
As hard as this is to fathom, the narcissist was the biggest blessing in your life, if you can allow them to be. I’m not talking about the specific person who abused you and treated you horrendously, but rather the experience of having your deepest wounds exposed and opened right up.
That is the purpose of the narcissist in our lives. They expertly locate each and every one of our innermost traumas, spread them open and pour salt into them. The fact that they energetically get off on our pain is a huge trigger for us, but ultimately that’s their karma to deal with once we’ve fully released our own traumas.
So, why is this a good thing, having our wounds exposed and aggravated? Because now we are fully aware of the hidden shadows within us which are yearning to be met and healed.
Each time you are triggered as a result of what the narcissist has (or hasn’t) done, you are gifted the opportunity to go within to heal that wound and release it from your body forever.
As you move through your own inner healing, you begin to fear the narcissist less and less. Your Complex PTSD symptoms will start to fall away and your life moves onto your true path, which is in complete alignment with your higher self. Life starts to get really enjoyable, peaceful and abundant.
A narcissist’s whole game is driven by fear. Therefore, as your fear of what the narcissist might do to you or say about you disappears, as does the power they used to hold over you.
The narcissist will become immaterial to you and they will no longer have the ability to trigger you. As they disappear from your existence, any psychic connection they still had with you, used for extracting supply remotely, will dissolve.
The beauty of this all is that when you no longer care about the narcissist being exposed or getting their just desserts, it will all naturally start to happen that way for them anyway. Because you are no longer holding onto their karma or being energetically responsible for their behaviour any more, that’s when the universal energy can finally be rebalanced.
If you’re ready to take your healing journey of releasing your traumas once and for all, I recommend removing the trauma from your energetic body with the help of a reputable spiritual healer. It’s the single most effective healing method I’ve found to actually shift my wounds and dissolve my C-PTSD, which was heightening by the day.
I hope this article has been helpful with understanding how a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you any more and how to protect yourself from any backlash or further abuse.
| READ: PTSD Symptoms from Narc Abuse → |
Memory Journal
Release the painful memories of the narcissist once and for all!
- Journal recurring thoughts
- Sort through what’s yours vs. theirs
- Identify your inner wounds to heal
- Pass the narcissist’s disowned wounding back to them
- Step-by-step guidance
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