Do Narcissists Treat the New Supply Better? (Yes… & No)

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It’s incredible just how quickly a narcissist can swap you out for someone else without even taking a backward glance.

I know when I found myself in this devastating position, my overwhelming thoughts were… do narcissists treat the new supply better than they did me?

Being discarded by a narcissist (even if you left them) and being immediately replaced is a soul-crushing experience to have to endure. Especially when it was just months or even weeks ago that they were claiming you were their everything.

Narcissists are pathological liars and will say and do whatever they need, just to hook people in and use them.

The short answer is no, the narcissist will not treat the new supply better as they are incapable of changing without intensive therapy (which we all know ain’t gonna happen!). However, they may get a better (i.e. more cunning) version of the narcissist for a short period of time.

While they may appear to be behaving more lovingly, it’s all part of their elaborate ‘love bombing’ phase, designed to secure the new person, trigger your insecurities, plus gain validation and admiration from those around them.

So, let’s explore this topic in-depth and examine exactly why the narcissist will never treat any new supply better and why you’re the lucky one to now be free!

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Understanding Narcissism and Supply

To truly understand why the narcissist’s new supply will never get a better version of the narcissist, it’s important to understand the nature of the disorder.

What is Narcissism?

There is a common misconception that all narcissists are extroverted, good-looking looking and charming people. That is simply not always the case given that there are four different types of narcissists.

1. GRANDIOSE NARCISSIST – Aggressive, dominant, arrogant, exaggerated self-importance, confident, consistent fantasies of elite success.
2. COVERT NARCISSIST – Passive aggressive, self-centred, overly sensitive to criticism, introverted & shy, false empathy, holds grudges, fantasies of grandiosity (but never achieve it).
3. ALTRUISTIC NARCISSIST – Overly generous and charitable in order to manipulate and create dependency. Only gives in order to receive praise and validation.
4. MALIGNANT NARCISSIST – Mix of narcissism, antisocial behaviour, aggression and sadism (enjoys humiliating and causing pain to others).

The overarching theme across all the different types of narcissists is their deep belief that they are more ‘special’ than everyone else, therefore making them superior.

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How is a Narcissist Created?

When the narcissist was a child, either an event, set of circumstances or their environment caused a great deal of trauma in them.

That deep trauma left them with such self-loathing, disdain, shame, insecurity and even self-hatred, that they just could not stand to be with that.

To cope with the trauma, they effectively killed off their True Self because they could not bear to feel all of those deep, uncomfortable feelings.

Ultimately, they were (and still are) only left with their Ego, which quickly created a False Self in order to survive and get their needs met.

When they severed the link to their True Self, they not only sliced off their connection to their own divine life force, but they also eradicated all of the things that made them truly human.

No longer does the narcissist have the ability (or desire) to feel empathy, compassion, kindness, authenticity and love.

They are now a deficient person without a conscience, living behind a false mask.

I know what you’re thinking, “But I’ve known narcissists who cry and can seem to be empathetic.” That is true, especially with covert narcissists who are extremely well-versed in feigning empathy and switching on full-blown crocodile tears when need be.

Once you can take on board that the ego is dominated by selfishness, greed, appearances, material items and getting ahead at all costs, you can understand that the narcissist only appears ‘sad’ when they are not getting what they want.

They don’t actually feel empathy towards you or anyone else. However, they have learnt very well over the years how to fake it purely to manipulate situations for their own self-serving needs.

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What is Narcissistic Supply?

Remember, when the narcissist cut off their True Self, they also cut off access to their own source of life force energy. Without a connection to their True Self, they do not have the resources to look inward, self-reflect and truly meet their painful hurts and wounds.

The ego is now on a rampage to keep that False Self in front and centre at all times. If anyone comes close to seeing the real person behind that mask or threatens to reveal that truth, the ego will seek to destroy them at all costs.

The truth that the narcissist fears the most is that they are not special, superior and amazing. It’s that very false image that keeps them standing and able to function in a world that they feel is against them.

Life force (supply) is now the drug that narcissists are seeking on a never-ending basis. It’s the thing that offers them temporary relief from their intense inner turmoil, which they are forced to feel unless they get another hit of narcissistic supply.

Of course, they will do anything to avoid feeling those things, so hunting out supply is their only priority and goal in life.

So, how do they get access to life force energy when they killed off their own supply? They pillage it from others.

READ: Primary & Secondary Forms of Supply →

To a narcissist, people are nothing more than objects to be used up and tossed aside. They will not hesitate to discard someone once that person ceases to worship the narcissist like the God they think they are.

As you can see, the narcissist’s new supply is not someone that the narcissist ‘loves’ or is ‘happy’ with. They’ve simply been enlisted by the narcissist to provide them with an unlimited amount of narcissistic supply, which we know is an impossible ask.

The new supply’s role is to feed the narcissist’s addiction. That is it.

Do Narcissists Treat the New Supply Better?

It’s important to understand that the new supply is being love-bombed hard right now.

I know it might appear as though the narcissist is putting in more effort to make the new supply feel special compared to what they did with you and that can feel like a total rejection.

But please understand this, it’s not that the narcissist is trying harder with them, it’s that they’re manipulating harder with them. There’s a very big difference!

The narcissist isn’t treating the new supply better, they’re just manipulating better.

You see, the narcissist learnt a lot from you and I can guarantee that those lessons will not be put to good use.

They will use all of the data they collected from you, plus bundle it together with what they learn about the new supply and apply it all throughout their current manipulations.

The narcissist will give the new supply everything that you wanted. Why? Because if you liked it then why wouldn’t the next person want it?

Remember, without authenticity, empathy and kindness at hand, the narcissist is merely relying on data to pull off a successful Love Bomb.

They may take them to the same restaurants that you liked, whisk them off to the same holiday destination you both once went to and maybe even reuse the same pet name they had for you.

Plus, if they know that you’ll witness or find out that they’re giving the new supply everything that you ever wanted or needed, they know it’ll hurt you and invalidate you. Your pain grants them remote narcissistic supply in the form of attention.

They will pair some of the things that you wanted up with what they’ve learnt the new supply wants for a love bomb experience of epic proportions!

Before you start to feel too jealous of the new supply, remember that this is just phase one of the narcissistic relationship. They still have all of the devaluations, punishments and discards ahead.

How the Narcissist REALLY Treats the New Supply

Now to answer the big questions that I know are still gnawing at your insides. Are they truly happy together and is the narcissist treating the new supply better?

I know this is probably an incredibly emotionally charged time in your life and more than anything, it just doesn’t seem fair.

After being treated horrendously, then quite possibly having your name falsely dragged through the mud, the narc actually gets to move on and have a ‘happily ever after,’ while you’re stuck in the depths of despair.

But we know that can’t be the reality, right?

Narcissist Flaunting the New Supply

Let’s be honest the narcissist is totally LOVING showing off their new supply and they seem to be incredibly happy, right?

First things first, this doesn’t mean that the narcissist loves the new supply. What it actually means is that they LOVE the super supply rush that they’re getting from flaunting them about.

Every single ‘like’ and ‘comment’ they receive on social media is another little hit, much like a drug addict being given a tiny vial of their most favourite concoction.

As we know, with any addiction (and narcissistic supply is an addiction for the narcissist), each hit will only provide temporary relief from the inner torment that they’re eternally trying to escape from.

Not only is the narcissist getting validation from those around them, but they will also be getting psychic supply from you if you’re getting triggered by seeing them together. Even if the narcissist thinks that you’re jealous of them, they will get a hit of supply

I know the incredible pain of being replaced so quickly by a husband who was just weeks prior professing his undying love to me. The whole thing is unbelievable and makes you sick to your stomach.

This is where you get to witness that the narcissist never really was the person you thought they were. They play a good game, lie through their teeth and manipulate harder than anyone else I know.

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Is the Narcissist Happy with the New Supply?

Any happiness with a narcissist will always be short-lived because inside, they are deeply unhappy souls.

During the idealisation phase with the new supply, they will be revelling in the constant validation and good feels they’re getting from the new person. But it won’t be long before that switch inside them flicks and everything changes.

In that honeymoon phase, the narcissist may genuinely feel like this person is ‘the one.’ Finally, they’ve met that person who will make them happy, the one who will adore them and fulfil all of their needs.

You can see how it’s not about the new supply at all. The narcissist is fully focused on someone else solving their problems, filling their tank, making them happy and serving them.

Of course, that is not how a healthy relationship functions. It should be a team effort where each party meets the other in the middle, where both are giving and receiving.

Any ‘happiness’ the narcissist appears to be experiencing is not happiness at all. It’s narcissistic elation due to receiving high levels of supply.

Because the narcissist will not take responsibility for themselves, inevitably the new supply will disappoint them in some way and not live up to the narcissist’s unrealistic expectations. The narc will project their own inner wounds onto the other person, which will result in blame-shifting, gaslighting and invalidating the new supply… just like they did to you.

READ: Narc Blame Shifting Tactics →

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Does the Narcissist Love the New Supply?

A narcissist doesn’t have the resources to actually experience love, whether that be giving it or receiving it.

The closest thing they will ever get to love in this lifetime is the high they feel when they receive narcissistic supply.

They believe that they are superior to you, me and everyone else, therefore they deserve to be worshipped. That’s what love is to them – when others adore and worship them. There’s nothing reciprocal about it.

So, when a narcissist says, “I love you,” that’s not actually what they mean.

Therefore, the narcissist does not love their new supply, just like they never loved you, nor will they ever love any other future supplies that they will cycle through.

READ: Will the Rebound Relationship Last? →

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What Will the New Supply Experience?

After a few things that my narcissistic ex casually dropped into conversation (we saw each other briefly whenever the kids changed hands) a penny dropped for me. I knew that he was using me to triangulate with his new supply.

You see, his new supply’s past two partners had both left her for their exes. So, of course, a huge trigger (deep wound) for her would have been insecurities around her partner abandoning her for his ex. The things he said to me made it clear that he was totally playing on that and keeping her in a state of anxiety. How? By making her feel uncertain about whether or not there’d ever be anything between him and me again. I genuinely felt sorry for the poor girl.

In fact, after they’d been together for about six months, I brought up a conversation about moving forward with the divorce and he replied, “Oh, yeah I suppose… I guess I thought we might still get back together.”

Knowing full well that that was not even an option, it was completely disrespectful to his girlfriend for even saying that to an ex. Plus, it showed zero respect for me because I knew he’d not changed and that he wanted a relationship with me about as much I wanted one with him – zero per cent!

It was triangulation at its best and served to make the narcissist feel special, sought after and powerful. In the end, it granted him supply and that’s all he cared about. He gave no thought or empathy towards how those words might affect his new supply.

What the new supply will experience is the same thing that you experienced. Although it may be dressed up a little differently, the narcissistic abuse cycle is the one sure thing you can expect in any narcissistic relationship.

READ: Cycle of Narc Abuse Explained →

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The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

Idealisation

The very first phase the new supply gets to experience is the infamous narcissist Love Bombing.

This amazing, happy and highly triggering chapter that you may be watching play out with the narcissist is where you think they go and treat the new supply better.

Sure, it’s filled with fancy dinners, nights away and romantic walks along the beach (purely staged just so the narc can update their Insta). But remember, love bombing is an unsustainable bubble, which will burst before long.

The narcissist probably does truly think they’ve found the perfect one… as in the ideal form of supply to feed and serve them. So, they put them on a pedestal and treat them like the most special person in the room, for a short while.

The Incident

Then something happens, which triggers the narcissist and the bubble bursts.

It could have been something the new supply said without even realising they’d touched on a vulnerability of the narcissist’s. It could have been any number of things, from stubbing their toe and immediately projecting their trash outside of themselves, to something more significant.

The incident is quite irrelevant. The fact is, the narcissist’s new supply has now swiftly had the rug pulled out from underneath them as they get thrown into the devaluation phase.

Devaluation

And now in come those hidden little pokes and confusing comments from the narcissist that will leave their new supply thinking, “What just happened?”

All of the awful things that you experienced at the hands of the narcissist and could never make sense of… that’s all about to unfold.

The rageful outbursts and passive-aggressive remarks, the put-downs and silent treatment, all designed to punish the new supply for things that they’re sure they’ve never done.

Discard/ Hoover

From here there are a few different pathways the situation can take.

1. The new supply gets jack of the narcissist’s crappy and disrespectful behaviour, so they walk and discard the narc.
2. The narc doesn’t deem the new person to be a good enough supply after all, so they discard them.
3. The narc pushes the new supply away in a game of push-pull, hoping they’ll come crawling back and inevitably accept the narcissist’s abusive ways.

In any of the instances, the narcissist will likely try and hoover the person back in at some point. Even if they don’t plan on being in a relationship with them, they’ll still want them there in the wings, ready to be used as backup supply if need be.

READ: More Hoovering Tactics →

It depends on where the new supply is at in their spiritual journey as to whether they continue to play out their traumas and wounded beliefs and accept the narcissist back into their life, or if they listen to their intuition and walk away.

I hope that after reading through this article, you can understand the reality of what is going on with the narcissist’s new supply. Although appearances may tell one story, the truth is that the narcissist doesn’t treat the new supply better.

An inherent part of their personality disorder means that they are incapable of self-reflection. This means that they will never learn their lessons or grow into better human beings in this lifetime.

The only things the narcissist may become better at are manipulating and lying.

Have a read of The Narcissist’s Prayer below. This short poem illustrates how narcissists treat all of their supplies. New or old, the outcome is always the same.

READ: A Deeper Look at The Narcissist’s Prayer →

How to Use Narcissistic Abuse To Become a Better Version of Yourself

As painful as it is to watch, you are now free my friend. You have been damaged and hurt and left with what feels like a broken self.

When you had the narcissist in your life, controlling and manipulating your every move, you were stuck in survival mode.

Now you’ve been handed the blessing of being able to break free.

As tempting as it is, it’s important for your own mental and spiritual growth to completely switch off from what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

Living the life you deserve to live is not dependent on the narcissist in any shape or form. Now it’s time to heal and come home to yourself.

Self-care is not just a bonus add-on if you’ve got time at the end of the day – it’s imperative to your well-being.

The most important thing you can do for yourself from here is to meet your inner wounds, love them and release them from your body for good. Hug your inner child and let them know that you’re here with them now and you’re not going anywhere ever again!

Once you feel whole within yourself and are a fully autonomous being, you will no longer be seeking anything outside of yourself for validation, love, security or any other means of survival.

You are a fully-functioning soul, who can discern when others are coming from a place of love, respect and kindness. If they cannot meet you where you’re at, then you can lovingly let them go to continue in their journey as you continue with your own.

It’s now time to choose yourself.

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