Isn’t it incredible just how quickly a narc can literally swap you out for someone else without ever batting an eyelid. And I know I’m not alone in wondering… does the narcissist treat the new supply better than they did me?
Being discarded by a narcissist (even if you left them) and immediately replaced is a devastating experience to have to endure. Especially when it was only a month ago (or maybe even less!) that they claimed you were their everything.
Now you’re learning that narcissists are pathological liars and will say and do whatever they need to, just to hook people in and use them. It’s equally mind-blowing and soul crushing.
So, now you’re watching on while the narcissist is flaunting their new supply and you wonder…
“Will the narcissist change for the new supply?”
“Is the narcissist treating the new supply better?”
The short answer is no, the narcissist will not treat the new supply better as they are incapable of changing without intensive therapy (which we know ain’t gonna happen!). While they may appear to be behaving more lovingly, it’s all an elaborate ‘love bombing’ facade, designed to secure the new person, trigger your insecurities, plus gain validation and admiration from those around them.
So, let’s explore this topic in depth and examine exactly why the narcissist will never treat any new supplies better and why you’re the lucky one to now be free!
RELATED POSTS:
◆ [17 Effects] Dating a Narc →
◆ How They Treat OLD Supply →
◆ Does the Narc Miss You? →
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Understanding Narcissism and Supply
To truly understand why the narc’s new supply will never get a better version of the narcissist, it’s important to understand the nature of the disorder.
What is Narcissism?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental condition where the person displays the following traits, whether overtly or covertly:
- Over-inflated sense of self
- Excessive need for admiration
- Disregard for the feelings and needs of others
- Inability to handle criticism
- Grandiose sense of entitlement
- Manipulative
- Pathological liar
There is a common misconception that all narcissists are extroverted, good looking and charming people. That is simply not always the case given that there are a four different types of narcissists.
- GRANDIOSE NARCISSIST – Aggressive, dominant, arrogant, exaggerated self-importance, confident, consistent fantasies of elite success.
- COVERT NARCISSIST – Passive aggressive, self-centred, overly sensitive to criticism, introverted & shy, false empathy, holds grudges, fantasies of grandiosity (but never achieve it).
- ALTRUISTIC NARCISSIST – Overly generous and charitable in order to manipulate and create dependency. Only gives in order to receive praise and validation.
- MALIGNANT NARCISSIST – Mix of narcissism, antisocial behaviour, aggression and sadism (enjoys humiliating and causing pain to others).
The overarching theme across all the types of narcissists is their deep belief that they are more ‘special’ than everyone else, therefore making them superior.
How is a Narcissist Created?
When the narcissist was a child, either an event, set of circumstances or their environment caused a great deal of trauma in them.
That deep trauma left them with such self-loathing, disdain, shame, insecurity and even self-hatred, that they just could not stand to be with that.
To cope with the trauma, they effectively killed off their True Self because they could not bear to feel all of those deep, uncomfortable feelings.
Ultimately, they were (and still are) only left with their Ego, which quickly created a False Self in order to survive and get ahead in the world.
When they severed the link to their True Self, they not only sliced off their connection to their own divine life force, but they also eradicated all of the things that made them truly human.
No longer does the narcissist have the ability (or desire) to feel empathy, compassion, kindness, authenticity and love.
They are now a deficient person without a conscience, living behind a false mask.
I know what you’re thinking, “but I’ve known narcissists who cry and can seem to be empathetic.” That is true, especially with covert narcissists who are extremely well-versed in feigning empathy and switching on full-blown crocodile tears when need be.
Once you can take on board that the ego is dominated by selfishness, greed, appearances, material items and getting ahead at all costs, you can understand that the narcissist only appears ‘sad’ when they are not getting what they want. They don’t actually feel empathy towards you or anyone else. However, they have learnt very well over the years how to fake it purely to manipulate situations for their own self-serving needs.
What is Narcissistic Supply?
Remembering that when the narc cut off their true self, they also cut off access to their own life force. Without a connection to their True Self, they do not have the resources to look inward, self-reflect and truly meet their painful hurts and wounds.
The ego is now on a rampage to keep that False Self in the front and centre at all times. If anyone comes close to seeing the real person behind that mask or threatens to reveal that truth, the ego will seek to destroy at all costs.
The truth that the narcissist fears the most is that they are not special, superior and amazing. It’s that very false image that keeps them standing and able to function in a world that they feel is against them.
Life force (supply) is now the drug in which narcissists are seeking on a never-ending basis. It’s the thing that offers them a temporary relief from their intense inner turmoil, which they are forced to feel unless they get another hit of narcissistic supply.
Of course, they will do anything to avoid feeling those things, so hunting out supply is their only priority and goal in life.
So, how do they get access to life force when they killed off their own supply? They pillage it from others.
Forms of Narcissistic Supply:
- Admiration and compliments
- Arguments and drama
- Fame and infamy
- Power, control and manipulation
- Sex
- Having the ‘perfect’ partner, family, house, job etc.
- Appearing successful
- Appearing wealthy
- Acquiring material items
To a narcissist, people are nothing more than objects to be used to up and tossed aside. They will not hesitate to discard someone once they cease to worship the narc like the God they delusionally think they are.
As you can see, the narcissist’s new supply is not someone that the narcissist ‘loves’ or is ‘happy’ with. They’ve simply been enlisted by the narc to provide them with an unlimited amount of narcissistic supply, which we know is an impossible ask.
The new supply’s role is to feed the narcissist’s addiction. That is it.
How the Narcissist Treats the New Supply
Now to answer the big questions that I know are still gnawing at your insides. Are they truly happy together and is the narcissist actually treating the new supply better?
I know this is probably an incredibly emotionally charged time in your life and more than anything, it just doesn’t seem fair.
After being treated horrendously, then quite possibly having your name falsely dragged through the mud, the narc actually gets to move on and have a ‘happily ever after,’ while you’re stuck in the depths of despair.
But we know that can’t be the reality, right?
Narcissist Flaunting the New Supply
Let’s be honest the narcissist is totally LOVING showing off their new supply and they seem to be incredibly happy, right?
First things first, this doesn’t mean that the narc loves the new supply. What it actually means is that they LOVE the super supply rush that they’re getting from flaunting the new supply.
Every single ‘like’ and ‘comment’ they receive on social media is another little hit, much like a drug addict being given a tiny vial of their most favourite concoction.
As we know, with any addiction (and narcissistic supply is an addiction for the narcissist), each hit will only provide temporary relief from the inner torment that they’re trying to escape from.
Not only is the narc getting the validation of those around them, but they will also be getting psychic supply from you if you’re deeply triggered over seeing them together. Which is completely understandable!
I know the incredible pain of being replaced so quickly by a husband who was just weeks prior professing his undying love to me. The whole thing is actually unbelievable and makes you sick to your stomach.
This is really where you get to witness that that person truly never was the person you thought they were. They play a good game, lie through their teeth and manipulate harder than anyone else I know.
Is the Narcissist Happy with the New Supply?
Again happiness with a narcissist is short-lived because inside, they are deeply unhappy souls.
During the idealisation phase with the new supply, they will be totally revelling in the validation and good feels they’re getting from the new person, but it won’t be long before that switch inside them flicks and everything changes.
In that honeymoon phase, the narcissist may genuinely feel like this person is ‘the one.’ Finally they’ve met that person who will make them happy, the one who will adore them and fulfil all of their needs.
You can see how it’s not about the new supply at all. The narcissist is fully focussed on someone else solving their problems, filling their tank, making them happy and serving them.
Of course, that is a not how a healthy relationship functions. It should be a team effort where each party meets each other in the middle, where both are giving and receiving.
Any ‘happiness’ the narcissist feels or appears to be experiencing is not sustainable.
Because the narc will not take responsibility for themselves, inevitably the new supply will disappoint them in some way and not live up to the narcissist’s unrealistic expectations. The narc will project their own inner wounds onto the other person, which will result in blame shifting, gaslighting and invalidating the new supply… just like they did to you.
Does the Narcissist Treat the New Supply Better?
The next piece that’s important to understand is that the new supply is being love bombed hard right now.
I know it may appear that the narc is putting in more effort to make the new supply feel special compared to what they did with you and that can feel like a total rejection. But please understand this, it’s not that the narc is trying harder with them, it’s that they’re manipulating harder with them. There’s a very big difference!
The narcissist isn’t treating the new supply better, they’re just manipulating better.
You see, the narcissist learnt a lot from you and I can guarantee that those lessons will not be put to good use.
They will use all the data they collected from you, plus bundle it together with what they learn about the new supply and apply it all throughout their manipulations.
The narcissist will give the new supply everything that you wanted. Why? Because if you liked it, why wouldn’t the next person want it? Remember, without authenticity, empathy and kindness at hand, they’re merely relying on data to pull off a successful Love Bomb.
They may take them to the same restaurants that you liked, whisk them off to the same holiday destination you both once went to and maybe even reuse the same pet name they had for you.
Plus, if they know that you’ll witness or find out that they’re giving the new supply everything that you wanted or needed, they know it’ll hurt you and invalidate you. Your pain grants them narcissistic supply in the form of attention.
Does the Narcissist Love the New Supply?
A narcissist doesn’t have the resources to actually feel or experience love, whether that be giving it or receiving it.
The closest thing they will ever get to love in this lifetime is the high they feel when they receive narcissistic supply.
They believe that they are superior to you, me and everyone else, therefore they deserve to be worshipped. That’s what love is to them – when others adore and worship them. There’s nothing reciprocal about it.
So, when a narcissist says, “I love you,” that’s not actually what they mean.
What “I Love You” Really Means from a Narcissist:
“I love that you love me.”
“I love what you do for me.”
“I love what you give me.”
“I love how good I look by having you in my life.”
Therefore, the narcissist does not love their new supply, just like they never loved you, nor will they ever love any future supplies who they will cycle through.
What Will the New Supply Experience?
After a few things that my narc ex casually dropped into conversation (we saw each other briefly whenever the kids changed hands) a penny dropped for me. I knew that he was using me to triangulate with his new supply.
You see, her past two partners had both left her for their exes. So, of course, a huge trigger (deep wound) for her would have been insecurities around her partner abandoning her for his ex. The things he said to me made it clear that he was totally playing on that and keeping her in a state of anxiety. How? By making her feel uncertain about whether or not there’d ever be anything between him and I again. I genuinely felt sorry for the poor girl.
In fact, after they’d been together for about six months, I brought up a conversation about moving forward with the divorce he replied with, “oh, yeah I suppose… I guess I thought we might still get back together.”
Knowing full well that that was not even an option, it was completely disrespectful to his girlfriend for even saying that to an ex. Plus, it showed zero respect for me because I knew he’d not changed and that he wanted a relationship with me about as much I wanted one with him – zero percent!
It was triangulation at its best and served to make the narcissist feel ‘special,’ sought after and powerful. In the end, it granted him supply and that’s all he cared about. He gave no thought or empathy towards how those words might affect other people.
What the new supply will experience is the same thing that you experienced. Although it may be dressed up a little differently, the narcissistic abuse cycle is the one sure thing you can expect in any narcissistic relationship.
The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse
Idealisation
The very first phase the new supply gets to experience is the infamous narcissist Love Bombing.
This amazing, happy and highly triggering chapter that you may be watching play out with the narcissist is where you’ll be sure they go and treat the new supply better.
Sure, it’s filled with fancy dinners, nights away and romantic walks along the beach (purely staged just so the narc can update their insta). But remember, love bombing is an unsustainable bubble, which will burst before long.
The narc probably does truly think they’ve found the perfect one… as in the ideal form of supply to feed and serve them. So, they put them on a pedestal and treat them like the most special person in the room, for a short while.
The Incident
Then something happens, which triggers the narcissist and the bubble bursts.
It could have been something the other person said without even realising they’ve touched on a vulnerability of the narc’s. It could have been any number of things, from stubbing their toe and immediately projecting their trash outside of themselves, to something more significant.
The incident is quite irrelevant. The fact is, the narc’s new supply has now swiftly had the rug pulled out from underneath them as they get thrown into the devaluation phase.
Devaluation
And now in come those hidden little pokes and confusing comments from the narcissist that will leave their new supply thinking, “what just happened?”
All of the awful things that you experienced at the hands of the narc and could never make sense of… that’s all about to unfold.
The rageful outbursts and passive aggressive remarks, the put-downs and silent treatment, all designed to punish the new supply for things they’re sure they’ve never done.
Discard/ Hoover
From here there are a few different pathways the situation can take.
- The new supply gets jack of the narcissist’s crappy and disrespectful behaviour, so they walk and discard the narc.
- The narc doesn’t deem the new person to be a good enough supply after all, so they discard the person.
- The narc pushes the new supply away in a game of push-pull, hoping they’ll come crawling back and inevitably accept the narcissist’s abusive ways.
| READ: 12 Narc Discard Signs → |
In any of the instances, it’s fairly likely that the narcissist will try and hoover the person back in at some point. Even if they don’t plan on being in a relationship with them, they’ll still want them there in the wings, ready to be used as back-up supply if need be.
A hoover can take many forms:
- They’ll randomly reach out
- May appear remorseful
- Offer false promises
- Pretend like nothing ever happened
- Start love bombing them again
- Play the victim to guilt them back in
- Use fear tactics to force them back in
| READ: More Hoovering Tactics → |
It really depends on where the other person is at in their spiritual journey as to whether they continue to play out their own traumas and wounded beliefs and accept the narcissist back into their life, or if they listen to their intuition and walk away.
I hope that after reading through this article, you can understand the reality of what is actually going on with the narc’s new person. Although appearances may tell one story, the truth is that the narcissist doesn’t treat the new supply better.
An inherent part of their personality disorder means that they are incapable of self-reflection. This means that they will never learn their lessons or grow into a better human being in this lifetime.
The only things the narcissist may become better at are manipulating and lying.
Have a read of The Narcissist’s Prayer below. This short poem really illustrates how narc’s treat whoever they’re with (regardless of whether it’s you or the new supply). The outcome is always the same.
How to Use Narcissistic Abuse To Become a Better Version of Yourself
As painful as it is to watch, you are now free my friend. You have been damaged and hurt and left with what feels like a broken self.
When you had the narcissist in your life, controlling and manipulating your every move, you were stuck in survival mode.
Now you’ve been handed the blessing of being able to break free.
As tempting as it is, it’s important for your own mental and spiritual growth to completely switch off from what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.
Living the life you deserve to live is not dependent on the narcissist in any shape or form. Now it’s time to heal and come home to yourself.
Self care is not just a bonus add-on if you’ve got time at the end of the day – it’s imperative to your well being.
The most important thing you can do for yourself from here on in is to meet your inner wounds, love them and release them from your body for good. Hug your inner child and let them know that you’re here with them now and you’re not going anywhere ever again!
Once you feel whole within yourself and are a fully autonomous being, you will no longer be seeking anything outside of yourself for validation, love, security or any other means of survival.
You are a fully-functioning soul, who is able to discern when others are coming from a place of love, respect and kindness. If they cannot meet you where you’re at, then you can lovingly let them go to continue on in their journey as you continue with your own.
It’s now time to choose yourself.
| REMOTE HEALING SESSIONS |
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