Having a narcissistic partner is nothing like being in an average relationship. It’s one hell of a ride (and not a good one)!
If you’re asking yourself the question, “Is my partner a narcissist?” there’s a fair chance that things in the relationship just don’t feel right. Once you get a good handle on narcissism and the telltale signs, figuring out if someone is narcissistic becomes much easier.
Signs that your partner may be a narcissist:
- Self-absorbed (it always has to be about them)
- Inflated sense of entitlement
- Arrogant
- Manipulative
- Argumentative
- Often makes you feel ‘less than’ (e.g. ashamed, useless, unattractive, unlovable)
- Doesn’t take responsibility for their words & actions (but will blame you or others instead)
A good barometer to use is that if you often feel confused when you’re in conversation with your partner, they are most likely manipulating you.
Confusion = manipulation
Take the ‘Is My Partner a Narcissist?’ quiz to get a better idea of whether or not you may be in a relationship with a narc. From there, you can begin to formulate a plan to move forward into a happier and healthier life for yourself.
| DISCLAIMER: This ‘Is My Partner a Narcissist?’ quiz is to be used for personal awareness and educational purposes only. It is not a not a diagnosis. Please seek a professional therapist who has experience dealing with narcissism for further help and information. |
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‘Is My Partner a Narcissist?’ Quiz
| Instructions |
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| 1. Fill out the quiz 2. Press ‘NEXT’ 3. Scroll back up the page to the blue submit button 4. Press ‘SUBMIT’ 5. Your score will be calculated |
What Does Your Score Mean?
- 0 – 50 = It’s UNLIKELY that your partner is a narcissist
- 51 – 69 = It’s POSSIBLE that your parter is a narcissist
- 70 – 100 = It’s LIKELY that your parter is a narcissist
▶️ VIDEO: Is My Partner a Narcissist? – Quiz
What To Do If Your Partner is a Narcissist
If you’ve taken the above quiz and feel pretty certain that your partner is a narcissist, you may be wondering what the heck you’re supposed to do now. For further evidence, one way or the other, check out the checklist of narcissist red flags.
Here’s how to deal with a narcissistic spouse.
Facing the Truth
Firstly, just breathe and take some time to process this information.
I vividly remember what it was like when I first found out my mother was a narcissist and then again some years later when I realised my husband was also a narc.
It’s devastatingly shocking to realise that the person you love is not at all the person who was sold to you.
Narcissists are programmed to be predatory ‘takers’ by nature and can fawn and manipulate till the cows come home to get their way. All of those times you thought they were treating you kindly out of the goodness of their heart… they were actually just working on you to get something for themselves.
Being with a narcissistic partner creates massive cognitive dissonance. This is where you are being presented with two conflicting versions of the same person, so your brain must pick just one in order to make sense of things. Throughout the narcissistic relationship, you were shown a ‘kind and caring’ partner, but then they would turn on a dime into a cruel, scheming oppressor.
In other words, it was easier for you to see the narcissist as someone who’s generally nice, but just has ‘bad moments.’ However, it’s time to face the truth, which is that the narcissist is largely cold and manipulative, but can act ‘nice’ as a means to an end.
You will no doubt be trauma-bonded to the narcissist, through months, years or even decades of being treated with their ‘rewarding’ and ‘punishing’ behaviour.
It’s time to be honest with yourself about the truth of how the relationship actually was, rather than how you wanted (or needed) it to be.
Should You Stay or Go?
Deciding on whether you will continue with your narcissistic partner is a personal decision and you will receive no judgement from me either way. After all, it took me many years and attempts to leave my covert narcissist ex and I wasn’t able to see the truth of who he really was until I got out.
They say it can take up to seven times to finally leave an abusive relationship.
Bear in mind that your narcissistic partner will not change. The very nature of narcissism has them believing that they are perfect (without flaws) and superior (above all others). They live in a fabricated fantasy reality, which tells them that they are always right and do not need to change. In fact, if you have a problem with their behaviour, then you’re the one who needs to change, not them.
There are many reasons people choose to stay with a narcissistic partner and it usually comes down to not being able to leave. Narcissists are very good at creating situations where their partner becomes reliant on them in some way (kids, family, finances, housing etc.) so that leaving them becomes extremely difficult.
Narcissists love being their partner’s puppet master due to some of their biggest disowned wounds, which are rejection and abandonment. Although the narcissist refuses to recognise these wounds, they will treat their partner horrendously, but then manipulate them into staying due to fear of being left alone.
If you decide to stay with your narcissistic partner, it would be wise to work on a plan that will eventually see you escaping and creating a new life without them. If not, you’ll need to learn some strategies to live with the narcissist without taking on so much of their abusive behaviours.
| READ: Why Did I Stay With a Narc? → |
Don’t Call Them Out
As much as you’ll want to call out the narcissist and tell them that you know exactly who they are… unfortunately, you won’t get your desired outcome.
It doesn’t matter how much evidence you bring to the table, someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) cannot accept into their reality that there is anything wrong with how they behave. Their entire existence is built around a fake narrative of perfection and ‘specialness.’ The only way they can psychologically survive in this world, without falling into their inner pit of self-loathing, is to reject any information that goes against their false construct.
The narcissist’s ego will see you calling them out as an attack on their reality and will seek to destroy you for daring to do so. They do not have the capacity (or desire) to self-reflect and take ownership of their negative traits.
Therefore, if you try to call the narcissist a ‘narcissist,’ get ready to see their eyes go black as they set out to annihilate you! They cannot risk having you speak any of this truth about them, because that would destroy their public illusion that they work tirelessly to uphold.
Detach From the Narcissist’s Delusion
Once you know the truth about the narcissist, it’s time to start detaching from their fantasy.
A big part of your being in partnership with the narcissist was stepping into their delusion with them. Throughout the love bombing phase and then the intermittent reinforcements of being punished and rewarded for acting how they expected, you were programmed bit by bit to go along with their fantasy.
In order to detach and move forward into a healthier life, you need to extract yourself from their delusional reality.
It helps to have one (or a few) trusted people who you can talk to openly and honestly about what has gone on throughout the relationship. This will help to see things from the external viewpoint of someone who’s not in the narcissist’s fantasy versus what has become ‘normal’ for you.
Eradicate the Narcissist
The only true way to fully heal and move on from the narcissist is to eradicate them from your life. My advice when dealing with a narcissistic partner is always to leave and go ‘no contact’ unless it’s absolutely impossible.
You’re deluding yourself if you think you can help them or change them. You’ll simply be lining yourself up for more abuse and energetic depletion until there’s nothing left of you and then they’ll discard you in place of fresh supply.
You cannot heal in the environment in which you were broken.
Leaving a narcissist is no easy task because they will not let you go without a fight. Please don’t mistake their faux ‘love’ and ‘kindness’ as them genuinely caring about you. All they care about is saving face publicly and keeping hold of you as an energetic supply until they see fit to discard you.
Heal Your Wounding
Once you’re on the other side of the narcissistic relationship, you can now pull all of your energy back from them and focus on yourself.
This isn’t just a nice act of self-care, although I do recommend daily self-care routines to calm your nervous system. Focusing on yourself is a matter of survival now.
The only way any narcissist can coerce you into their world where you end up living out their stunted reality is by locating your deep wounds and triggering them.
All of the things that the narcissist was able to use to manipulate you will show you what your inner wounds are. It’s now time to heal each of those wounds and become so strong within your sense of self, your boundaries and your self-worth, that no narcissist can ever pull you into their fog of deceit again.
There are two ways to do this, either through therapy or via spiritual healing and releasing the wounds from your energetic body (more info below).
It doesn’t matter which healing modality you choose, as long as it works for you and you can rise above the narcissist into your new, peaceful world.
I hope this ‘Is My Partner a Narcissist’ quiz has helped identify behaviours within your relationship that you may or may not be comfortable with. The aim is to be armed with knowledge that helps you move forward in relationships in a way that works for you, not against you.
Energetic Healing from
Narcissistic Abuse
If you’ve tried everything to heal but still can’t shift things, it might be time to call in the spiritual realm.
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✭ Ask your guides questions & get direct answers
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